Okay...the only reason I read this was because I am your friend... I must admit that the polt and everything is good, but SNAPE and HERMIONE? Eew!

Your story has the potential to grow and become a really good fic, but first you need to take into consideration some details. I understand that you are re-writting the chapters, and here are some possible tips to help your editing process. You don't necessarily have to use these tips or look over them, but they are a good guideline to creating a very good fanfic.

1. 'Hermione! O.M.G. How was it?" Lavender said loudly.' Try not to abbreviate phrases or things like this. It brings down the quality and flow of the sentence, and people don't really like to read it. Plus, try to keep in mind that these characters are British, and, being American, I know that we are naturally loud and sometimes obnoxious people, especially teens/young adults. But what Lavender says is EXTREMELY OOC, even for a person of her personality.

2. A little more detail, like how Malfoy came to be a surgeon, why they were in York and not St. Mungo's, and what happened before/during the war, and about Hermione and Severus's relationship. It really does make the story fit together more, and allows the reader to understand the story and plot better.

3. (this is just a pet peeve) What is wrong with blondes? You were ripping on blondes not once, but twice in the same chapter. Hearing blonde jokes gets old really fast, and a lot of people don't like to hear them, especially in a fanfic. Blondes in general aren't stupid, and it really can hurt a person's feelings or make their opinion on you and you story lessen a great deal after reading something like that.

I don't mean to bring you down, I'm just trying to help. I beta stories for many people, and aim to become a journalist or possibly writer. I'm just trying to help you out as a fellow writer, and in no means intend to belittle or criticize your story.

.::Neon::.

I was hestiate at first to leave a review. I was wondering why you only have 4 reviews as well. I kinda see why now. I was only able to read the first chapter and could go no further.

There are so many things I want to say about this story. Firstly, you may want to put in your summary that this story is completely AU and the characters are SEVERLY OOC, so that readers may decided to read or not read and not waste time.

I am a huge fan of the character Severus Snape. Of course, no one can compete with JKR with her original character, however, some people can accurately characterize Snape in their fanfiction.

When I read this part, ""Well...yes, that is true...but, I'll tell you what." He said, pulling out his money bag to bargain with the woman. "If you let me talk to the doctor, or even better, my wife, I'll give you this whole bag of galleons. There are forty galleons in here. If you want to, you can go to the muggle London and buy something with your fresh $293.20. Please, this is all I have with me right now. I need to talk to her, or the doctor, or someone who knows what is wrong." he begged, his hands clasped together in front of him, clutching his money bag. He sank into a chair in front of the desk."

I knew then that this story was going downhill fast and of course it got worse. I also didn't know that Snape had blue eyes. "Severus, she's beautiful! She's even got your black hair and dark blue eyes!"

I could go on and on just on this one chapter but I won't. I'm sure you will consider this a flame but there are alot of people you are true HG/SS fans and luv a good quality fic. Just letting people know that if you read reviews before reading this fic that this story is AU and characters are SEVERLY OOC.

omg it doesnt have the 5th chapter. wtf? i cant read it. comment my story hun. bye
Gina

I'm not too keen on Professor/Student relationships. But this is interesting and I want to see what happens. I wonder who this family member is...

Okay, you better UPDATE OR ELSE!

ohh i know! have his family be these evil people that... were followers of the dark lord person and then he could have run away from home and then he was there and well... yeah...! o yeah call me kathryn! u nvr called me back!