good story!...very ludlumesque..(if there's such a word).
please update soon!

huh what what huh I'm confused... bring Marie back! Have you brought her or is this just so OOC its not worth reading or or or...

I ahumahumah WANT MARIE TO REVIVE!
You know what, you sound very... Ludlum-y. Congratulations- not only have you been one of the first to mix ludlum and movie, it was indeed rather smooth, not jumping from one to the other... I like your style but the kidnapping thing is obviously stolen from the supremacy book.

Very well written. And very suspenseful, that's what I enjoy. I can't help but notice that this hasn't been updated in quite some time. If anything, I'd encourage you to continue.

interesting story, you sure can write quite well!

I just finished Chapter Two of The Bourne Precendent and it's excellent so far! Your writing is very clear and fluid--there were no parts where I felt that there was something missing or left unexplained. The only tiny little mistakes I saw were grammatical, but aside from that, I don't really see any changes that can be made in plot. You capture Jason Bourne's character very well and I like the "chameleon" motif--it definitely describes him. At one point, you use the word "bloody" a lot in the second chapter in a short amount of space... Perhaps you should eliminate a few, just to avoid repetitiveness. And instead of saying, "...and make sure he never forgets the name of Jason Bourne," I don't believe you need the "of." I'll give you any updates I have on Chapter 3!

~eahopkins

I love this. Please keep writing.

Seriously, this fic is the best Bourne fic out there. There is absolutely no competition for this fic. The best, I tell you.

For the Prologue, I have a few suggestions, however:

"The excitement of two days ago had faded, but had not yet disappeared completely. " - You don't need 'completely'. It's like it was just tacked on, and it sounds awkward and clumsy.

"...whispered fragments of ‘what if’s and ‘maybe’s and ‘I don’t know’s circulated the..." - You missed a ' after the 'I don't know's'.

I may have missed a few more things, so you might want to look through it yourself. Anyways, wonderful job. I absolutely love this fic. Your style and diction is very smooth, and your description is vivid without being stuffy (I can't say that for myself, actually).

Keep writing!

--Temeraire

I really like this!
It feels like I'm reading borne supremacy again, but this is a might easier to understand.

"Had he done that? Had he really? The gun felt heavy in his hand but he couldn't stop, his body wasn't obeying his head; and all through the terror and confusion a voice was speaking to him, urging him."

Like the way you show Bourne's lethal tendencies and training taking over his consciousness even before he realizes what's happening. The unfeeling, almost callous, persona is unsettling, however. As it should be?

Wow. I really must say that this is an extraordinary piece of writing. It is fast, gritty, and yet has a grace and elegance (especially what you wrote about the fountains). Well-balanced and suspenseful.

Please do not stop writing. Update soon!

Jenny P.

Absolutely incredible...This writing wouild make Ludlum proud. Though I am slightly disturbed by the violence of Bourne or--rather--Cain, you are creating a very sharp, edgy story, and I can't tell you how much I like it.

Thanks for the excellent read:
LF

Not bad at all. The writing style is slightly differant from any I've read; not to be critical, its somewhat more chaotic. It's not I don't like it, just takes some getting used to.
The story is similar to what Jason Bourne would do. Shoot the car.
Overall very good.

Wow, that was a great chapter! You describe things so vividly that I feel as if I'm watching a movie not reading a fanfic! This story is so GOOD! Is the man in coma Jason Bourne? Please update again soon! I CAN'T wait for more!

`~.:*The G.A. Named Clive*:.~'

This is so good! I think the woman is Nicky. Please update soon!