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| SerialKiller469 2008-04-27 ch 5,  | abuseThis is a well put together story I cannot wait untill the next chapter. I would like to know more about Sepora I think it would be interesting if she saw something and she had a flashback that tells more of her story. I think this story is doing fine so far. Can't wait for chapter 6 |
| quicksilver2402004 2007-08-15 ch 5, | abuseI hope you update this because I wanna know what happens next. |
| Dreamy-Butterflies 2006-06-07 ch 5, | abuseYou really should continue this! there's not much doom fics in there and it seems really good! |
| J.D5 2006-03-19 ch 5, | abuseInteresting Reaper has consideration for someone other than his sister in this story. I like the change. I like that you have added a female marine to the mix. I think that was something sorely missing from the movie. Is it possible that you make the sotry a little more descriptive. I hope you update soon. |
| batbones 2006-03-15 ch 5, | abusegood story |
| Coffee-Rules 2006-03-14 ch 5, | abuseGreat chapter! |
| EnyoGraeae 2006-03-12 ch 5, | abuseVery cool! I did not see that twist coming. Having Sepora and Mac change positions. I like it. Keep it up! I'm very interested to find out what happens next. :) |
| Coffee-Rules 2006-03-10 ch 4, | abuseWhat a sweet cliffhanger at the end... Can't wait for an update |
| Coffee-Rules 2006-03-10 ch 3, | abuseNice work |
| Coffee-Rules 2006-03-10 ch 2, | abuseBFG... *drools* |
| Coffee-Rules 2006-03-10 ch 1, | abuseSweet... That's all that's needed to be said |
| ShieiniRyoTenchiMeshiko 2006-03-08 ch 4, | abuseW00t! I like it alot, interesting how the girl was still alive after in the beginning of the movie it was clear she was dead. Or was she? Very nice! |
| EnyoGraeae 2006-03-06 ch 4, | abuseI am enjoying your story and I do think you have done a good job of adding Sepora in without changing the overall idea of the plot. I also like how you ended the chapter with a bit of a "cliff-hanger". Looking forward to seeing more! |
| Just a Tad Unhinged 2006-03-05 ch 4, | abuseVery good job!! |
| Just a Tad Unhinged 2006-02-25 ch 2, | abuseI'm really liking this story and I've noticed that you changed the first chapter. This is a really good idea and I'm glad you undertook such a project, remakes are always harder than creating your own plot... it requires far more caution, in my own opinion, since you have to consider the integrity of the original film with every decision you make. I have a few suggestions: ~You have a good original character... she's not too brave which means she'll be harder for flamers to label a Mary Sue but she's taking away all the good lines!! All movies have lines that must be said by the person who originally says them or it loses its meaning... especially at the beginning and end of a film. For instance, Reaper's last line, the one he says as he's throwing the grenade in the ark. You have to pay careful attention to those lines. ~You also have good grammar, but your sentences are sometimes choppy and underdeveloped, so you might want to work on that. Try adding adjectives, varying sentence structures, and combining sentences. ~And last but not least you have to remember that these people are Marines, this is not a caring workplace, and that Goat-Sepora scene, however sweet it is, could be construed as inappropriate. PDA (public display of effection/emotion) is a major nono in the military ESPECIALLY when one is on a mission. I hope you aren't offended by this, I just want to help. Update soon and don't lose hope it gets easier as you get farther into the fic. If you want to ask me anything or need any help with anything, feel free to drop me an email! |