If this is Maruders era, Taryl would be ostracized by anyone and everyone other than those who would want to exploit her sarcastic, bitchy nature for evil purposes. Teenage girls in the late 60's and early 70's **DID NOT** act like hormonal, emo, whiny **. No wonder she was kicked out of Beaxbaton. She needs remedial lessons in manners and social niceties.

The opposite of 'feminine' is not 'acting like a total **'.

Unless she's a time-traveller or knows someone who has been, she does not have CDs. Continuity, dear. It's a good thing. Ditto for music groups she listens to. No, fanfiction does NOT mean doing whatever you want. That's original fiction. You want CDs and My Chemical Romance, set it in modern times.

Work on your grammar, punctuation, and spelling.

The Maurauders would freak if a girl was suddenly uber-friendly with them after such a short time. They're nice blokes but they would want to get to know her before they'd be very relaxed around her.

Boys and girls *cannot* get into each other's dormitories. Ron tried to get into the girl's dorm once to give something to Hermione and the stairs would not let him go up there.

Cut the sudden insertion of lyrics. Very confusing and very unnecessary, especially long, long stretches of lyrics. Oh, by the way, where do you credit the lyricist?

Songs like the ones you put in here would likely freak out the nice, wholesome teens of the 60's and 70's, unless they were into drugs and the darker side of things. Even if there was a magical war going on then, which there wasn't, they wouldn't be listening to things so incredibly depressing. They wouldn't want to. The world around them would be depressing enough. They'd want their entertainment to help them escape that, not remind them of it.

I wrote fics that were loaded with errors and things off the 'Not Found in Good Writing' list when I first started out as well, and so have thousands of others. We all make mistakes, and those who write goodfic learned from those mistakes and worked on improving. The critiques are NOT meant as slams against you. They are comments on the writing, nothing more. Do not take any of it personally. Everyone, including Stephen King and Dean Koonz, makes mistakes and needs to correct things. That's why publishing houses still have editors to read over manuscripts submitted for publication. Best of luck.

God damn AWFUL.

Bad character, bad spelling, stupid plot, you sound like you're a ditz typing over AIM.

You know in terms of your own story, if you don't want to follow 'canon' then you don't have to. I'm not one of those nazi-esque canon enforcers. It's called creativity for a reason, and, although I don't enjoy this type of fic (because it is essentially a Mary Sue fic), I'm sure you can find an audience for it. But you will have to work on your spelling and punctuation. Plus, even though this character is clearly a self-insert, you can make her more enjoyable by making her more realistic, more flawed, and less bitchy. Show us that she has other sides to her. If you do that, even I may not mind the... wings...

Too much dialogue, and well honestly i think Tayl has a good character but she becomes friends with the marauderers way too fast. like common the next day the three of them are jumping on her bed?! friendships, especially when ur 16 and your meeting older people, take way longer than that.

parts r a bit confusing, especially the wing part.. it was like BAM this random girl shows up and faints and BAM she has wings! lol u might want to add detail on that particular part..

try not to tear me to pieces, lol. just friendly advice :)
-lexa

Hello, we meet again. This time, I'm not going to give a long review, because I'm not really in the mood. I will say, though, you really need to work on your stories. They are, simply put, boring, and riddled with errors. You don't follow canon at all, and you need a spellchecker VERY BADLY, or at the very least, a beta to read your stories before you upload them. Lastly, all your characters are clearly 1.)Mary Sues and 2.)Self-inserts, both of which are frowned upon by the general public.

If you don't mind constructive criticism, there are a few things I'd like to point out:
1. If this is set in the Marauder's time, not only is there no My Chemical Romance, there are no CDs. "[T]hey probably didn’t excist then but now they do" isn't a good excuse. Neither is "it's magic", if you were going to try that. Neither of those things existed, and it makes no sense to have them in your fic.
2. Tayl is more or less a Mary-Sue. Her having wings and a tail is one of the more Sue-ish qualities she has. Also, the "my father is a griffin but some wizard turned him human" doesn't cut it. Some backround on HOW this happened would be nice, and also some explanation as to how an animal (no matter how magical) fell in love with a human would help.
3. Your grammar needs help. You have to capitalize dialogue, and some of your sentences are just garbled and confusing. Do you have a beta reader? Consider getting one.
4. Inserting song lyrics is jarring and distracting. I'd advise against it unless they have a specific significance to the story, and even then it doesn't really work.
Thanks for reading this, hope you take my advise into consideration,
Fantine

hey! cool chap, I wonder what she'll do? Maybe edit a bit more. update soon!

Taylor! i absoluetly love it! why haven't you told me about this? *lookls confuddled* and poor wook/mooch would love this...*sighs* honey, it's VAN HELSING there's no 'a'...guess what peeps? this is tayler o'dell, awesomenes at it's best you must read all of her story's (and wooks but hey i can't push it)
so ya *oh and *Tayl* i have edited my thing and will possibly send the specila stuff to you...lol*
any ways, great work I LOVE IT you must write more!
bye bye