Reviews for Rising Affections

Reviews For: Rising Affections - Reviews: Page 1 of 12

DracoDormiens7 2008-09-20 ch 21,	abuseAw...quite a sad ending. But alas, Akito = bastard, as usual. And you specially thanked me. blush I feel honored.
killerofchickens 2008-09-17 ch 21,	abuseZOMG YOU ALREDY KNOW MY WHOLE WHAT THE THING so yeah! now for my feelings on this chapter. :D yay new chapter posted! D: he forgot yuki!(sad that he forgotted his bro but im no much of a yuki fan so meh) :'( poor hatori having to go though that and that it ended NO!8
kirayasha aka kira 2008-09-17 ch 21,	abuseFirst of all, you're welcome! This was a wild ride & I loved every minute of it!! I love "back stories" and this was one of the best! :D Looking forward to the omake too... ;p
stop this trash 2008-09-17 ch 14,	abusewell,do you know that if the boys are 16,Akito is just a 7-8 years old 'girl'?
kirayasha aka kira 2008-07-09 ch 20,	abuseYou'er making me blush here... Seriously, I love this fic which makes it a pleasure to go through all the revisions! :D Speaking of which... I found something that I missed. ^^; (see below) “It’s all right. I’m not hungry right now anyway,” Shigure said amicably, stretching out next to Ayame on the blanket, looking over to see what he was reading. It was a handicraft book with sewing patterns.”Thinking of becoming a tailor?” Shigure asked offhandedly. You need to swap out that secound "Shigure" for a "he" or a "the dog." I didn't realize it lined up when "printed" here & it looks odd... ;p
DracoDormiens7 2008-07-09 ch 20,	abuseTeehee. Things should get interesting. wink
limpet666 2008-05-06 ch 19,	abuseOh my god, I actually love this story, I wish I'd read it earlier! I love how you so easily progress the story and explain all their thoughts and feelings and dont just go straight for the smut. Not that the smut isn't good...it's VERY good... embarassing fangirl giggle VERY good... And a mabudachi threesome? Come on, who in their right mind doesn't want that? Add Ritsu and i'd be in fangirl heaven... I hope you write more of this soon, I notice that this hasn't been updated in a while. I demand more! bribes with bagels
MysticSorceror 2008-02-08 ch 19,	abuseYou asked me in the last reply to select some parts where I would change the grammar; so I tried. And I imagined that you were some 14 year old fangirl, I guess I guessed wrong. The last of the tickets were turned in and the booths broken down to their component parts. The last of the tickets "was" turned in, and, the booths "had been" broken down to their component parts. He reasoned it would be better to go alone and take the brunt of god’s wrath, and then fall into the waiting arms of the other two for comfort afterward if necessary than to have all three of them suffer an emotionally draining experience. He reasoned "that" it would be better to take the brunt of god's wrath "alone". Afterwards he could then fall into the waiting arms of the other two for comfort. It was better than having all three of them suffer from an emotionally draining experience. Now with the proper review: Nice start, I liked how you set the scene. Great diction! I love the emotion, it seems so sad for the two of them, I love the nonverbal interaction. It's so sad that Ha'ri's being left out, you proved your point very well indeed. I love how you term their connection to Akito. I love the way you portray Akito, it's adorable. I love the interaction between Shigure and Akito. Your writing is exquisite! I love picturing the nonverbal and it's improved so soo much. I like the mention of Ren, it seems the thing someone, like Akito, might talk about. Nice way of putting it "urge to mate", but then in one of my fics I had Haru tell his son, Yuki's death was the same as flushing goldfish down a toilet. This seems like such an...awkward situation...good job on that. 0.0 that is a very very odd condition, but I'm very glad you did include it. Great ending. I loved this chapter it was phenomenal Out take: Lol, that is pretty true about the villain, I used to do that too, until I started to include the yakuza in my fics, I am a very odd eighteen year old that is for sure. At least it's better than the Fruits Basket fic I wrote when I was fourteen about the past Zodiac taking control of Yuki's body ~Myst
MysticSorceror 2008-02-05 ch 18,	abuseAnd last time: Good descriptions, some grammatical errors, I like how you "set the scene". And now: Nice description, work on grammar, I like how the girls are being pulled away from this "stunning success". Perhaps try some different phrasing because some parts are slightly awkward. Poor Ha'ri T_T. I love the character interactions, nice work. Lol, I like the idea you put here with guy love, very much like your fic my dear. Good Ayame but you could always do with some slight improvement on his character. I love Aya's language it really fits his character. I like the tension between the two of them [Alegacia and Ayame I mean]. I love the joke about the twins looking the same. Nice figurative language! I like this scene with Hatori and Ayame and Aya's line with the homogenous creature is very funny. Meanwhile in front of the booth: sigh Himiko and Kimiko are really starting to annoy me with their uninhabited nature. I'm glad Shigure had the best kiss he seems like a playa. Yay another new person, I feel the same as Kaori I often have to eat cotton candy and feel sad when it's all gone. You put "suck a thing" instead of "such a thing". I enjoy the perception of these boys being "losers" very, highschool. Wow, Shigure really is perverted. I really do like Kaori she doesn't seem a complete prep to me. That obaa-san is very scary 0.0. Wow Akito came, now that's fun XD. Maybe work on Akito's character some more, it isn't pinned down quite right. I love how Shigure and Akito kissed, very cute ^_^. Shigure seems a bit OoC right here. Lol, it's funny how Shigure asks Hatori to pet him, very sign of the dog. Nice moment with the trio, quite bonding. Wow that girl is crazy, is she Al Behd? Sayuri really does scare me, I feel for Ha'ri right now, I truly truly do. Chihiro is also scary, it's very creepy that she giggles before speaking, like a demented teddy bear. You have a couple spelling errors under here. I'm really confused with the part including the dog. Towards the end things seem far too complicated. Nice work and that chapter seemed really really long anyway I enjoyed it ~Myst
MysticSorceror 2008-02-05 ch 17,	abusePerhaps have a more dramatic opening to pull you in, I like the description. I like the shift ideas, the way you had previously put it made it sound like the girls choose who they get. Drop the formal language on the internal thoughts. Shorten the paragraphs to provide for some clarity in the lines. I love the amount of attention you've given Kitomi, it's nice to see others involved. I like Ayame's character here, great work. Heh, the twins names lack creativity, I know it's supposedly cute that they rhyme but they just seem too close and it's cheesy humor; (^^;; though I hope that isn't offensive if they're based off of reviewers). And it strikes me why would someone with a girlfriend not opt out of the kissing booth idea? Nice description about the carnival, wow, that' a little scary about the chasing. I'm not sure that Hatori's reply would be that they "were not sought by the police etc." Some scattered grammar issues. I like how the plot extends to the police man's daughter. The name's are too similar, it's somewhat annoying. Aww that is really sweet. I like the description about Alagasia but there are some grammar issues. Hmm, x's don't exist in Japan it would be tokshya/toksha to create that sound. Nice ending with Hatori. Good chapter ~Myst
MysticSorceror 2008-02-04 ch 16,	abusePerhaps substitute the instead of this because it does change the tense somewhat. I like his internal dialog but perhaps substitute active verbs for the passive ones in the beginning. Some of your sentences could do with more clarity, good plot but it's not always clear. Some grammar usage issues. Perhaps describe Ran a little more as to what sort of person she is in description, age etc. I love Ayame's lines about his hair, your characterization really shows improvement in these later chapters. Lol, the conversation between Ran and Aya is very funny ^_^. I like how you start using shorter lines with descriptions in the dialog, it's the kind of thing I criticized ages ago in some of the beginning chapters, it's nice to see. The lines are somewhat confusing but I did like the French. I like the different OC's you've included. I also enjoy the emotions you hold between Hatori and Ayame, Lol, Ayame's plan does have so many flaws, I loved Hatori's line after the speech just because of that point. Thursday: Poor Aya, I like the open though. I like the interactions of the Mabudachi members in this fic, I really really do. Try to make the ideas a little clearer. Later that evening: A bit rushed, perhaps space this part out, great interactions. Aww, so sweet Once again great work ~Myst
MysticSorceror 2008-02-04 ch 15,	abuseGood opening but perhaps start with shorter sentences, great diction. I love the way you describe their actions, perhaps add a touch more emotion to the conversation by changing the verbs or adding adverbs. I like Shigure's disbelief it really does fit in this chapter. I like how Shigure feels about the relationship, perhaps include some more descriptions of the council room, day etc. I kinda understand why you put the kissing booth this way, and yeah your techniques are good, but to me it seems a little ridiculous how far you push something to keep it fitting. I really like the Renaissance theme, it seems like them. Tuesday: Nice opening again, I love the descriptions about the environment, just be careful when it comes to grammatical structure. Nice joke about the color, that was pretty funny. I like the tension between the two of them but you could have a little more clarity in your lines. Nice scene! Aww poor Ha'ri he really does care and I love the sentiment, it's adorable. Aww that sucks that they have to be accompanied but still, maybe use your original characters a little more. Anyway good job ~Myst
MysticSorceror 2008-02-03 ch 14,	abuseAww good plot, it's really sad, it's scary to think that one of them might be killed, some more grammar issues. Good transition into Monday morning, your writing really does seem to improve with every chapter. Wow, it's kind of scary that Ayame came to the school but such a dramatic entrance! Nice original characters and great characterization of Akito, I like it. Wow, I like Akito's idea and how you point out all the Sohma involvement. Such a short chapter but I did like it. ~Myst
MysticSorceror 2008-02-03 ch 13,	abuseNice selection of verbs in the opening. Aww the setting with Hatori and Ayame is very cute. Nice conversation between the two of them, adorable. There are some grammar issues, ouch, I can only imagine what Kenji must be feeling right now. I like the explanation of why it's not incest but I think Hatori's language is different from what it's supposed to be. Nice figurative language. There are a few spelling errors, the paragraph about Kenji speaking about the time Ayame was born is a long ass paragraph, cut it somewhat. The plot in this paragraph is good but since it's so complex it's lost within the incredibly long sentences, I'd appreciate it if I could read it a little clearer. I really do like Kenji though, he seems like a very good guy Anyway great chapter ~Myst
MysticSorceror 2008-02-03 ch 12,	abuseWork on the grammar in this chapter since there are errors, perhaps talk about her physical appearance. Nice opening, work on word order to make the sentences less complicated. I like the comparison between Shigure's and Ayame's mothers. I like the discussion about Aya, it does seem to be correct at this age. Nice close, might need a stronger plot idea in this chapter but it was good. Nice work ~Myst

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