   EvaXephon
2006-04-08 . chapter 4Much of what I said in my review for Rainy Nights holds true here, as well. Magnificent story. Vivid, haunting images. A magnificent writing style, one that that suits the mood of the story, as well.
You've done an absolutely amazing job of giving depth to things that weren't elaborated on in the official story. I especially liked the original characters, even the ones with minor and brief appearances - you did a great job with their personalities.
At first, I was a little wary about the use of attack names and weapon names, but you managed to work them into the story in a very successful way.
I only spotted two errors. In the first chapter, an instance of "uAdrian/u" has the underline tags around it, and the squiggly line is missing above "Señor". But those two tiny things were the only mistakes I could spot in this amazing fic.
I was surprised to see the mention of a canal system in Ostrheinsburg. I guess you got that from my story ^^. Someone pointed out to me that the water the raft floats on in the Ostrheinsburg level isn't a canal system, but a moat. I still like my canal system idea, though.
For a short while, part one of "Willing Slave" mirrored the first chapter of my story, with the obvious change of Siegfried to Nightmare, and far better writing, of course. It made me very uneasy, not because I felt like my fic had been ripped off, or anything like that, but because it was depressing to see a scene I'd tried to write be done so much better in another fic.
In fact, to tell you the truth, it was very difficult for me to read this story. It was a really unpleasant experience, but not because it was a bad story - on the contrary, it was so hard for me to read it because it's so *good*. I felt terribly bad about myself and my writing while reading this, because it seems like a much more professional well-done version of my own story. Now, once again, I'm not accusing you of stealing my story or anything along those lines. But I'm pretty depressed after reading this story because it's so much better than mine. Before, you asked me if I was avoiding reading this fic. That hadn't been the case, but now that I've read it, I see that, ironically, this is exactly the sort of fic I usually try to avoid.
This has happened once before. I tried to write a RE4 romance fic, then I read another that was far superior, and quit my own romance fic. I figured, "what in the world is the purpose of continuing to write my own RE4 fic when a far better one exists? If someone wants to read a good RE4 fic, they can simply turn to that superior one over there. No point in my fic existing anymore."
That's the same way I feel about "I Am Your Slave" right now. It's as if there is a machine that can convert stories from crap to professional works of magnificence, and my story was dumped inside to come out the other end as Monstrosities. You've done a better job at everything I tried to accomplish. Even the insinutation of sex in your fic was done with far more class than the smutty scenes in my fic. This is a pretty big bummer.
I know that this kind of talk has little to do with reviewing a story, but that part was really significant to me, so I had to say so. To summarize, Monstrosities is excellent, and my fic doesn't have any reason for a continued existance. |
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