Mmm..not bad. This song has a really desperate, aching quality to it, which is good since you can make the reader ( or me, at least) sense it. But this longing can get a little freaky sometimes. I can just imagine a girl with this lustful look on her face *shiver*. But it was quite touching, and the language was good. The trailing offs ( ... ) in the first parts give a certain dreamy feel to it.