Hello, how do you do? The weather sure has been taking a turn in the sort of direction that it does at this time of year, hasn't it?
Moving on then, to new and more interesting topics than the weather: Your story. I more or less liked it. I thought the style was good, easy to read, and entertaining. There were two grammar points that i thought i might just bring up. The first is "...they were NOT took on" You're using the passive voice here, so 'they were not taken on' jives a bit more. The second is "Omae no Ore no Ichibansuki no NAKAMA WA!" You've got quite a bit of possessing going on in this statement then, don't you? Now there are a couple of different directions that this could take, and i have absolutely no idea what you're trying to convey. Is usopp saying that their most favored nakama (in this case, Luffy?) is...and thats why Chopper needs to not be a fool? Is Usopp saying 'you are my favorite of the nakama' in a very confusing way? I may never know. You know though, don't you?

O...I loved it!! I'm no fan whatsoever of Yaoi etc. but it sounds good so I'll probably continuing reading it!^^ Update soon onigai!! [favorites]

that was good but i didnt understand the japanese at all. we're english not japanese!
cant u rewrite it in english or at least put translations at the bottom?
apart from that is was good except i couldnt understand it! lol
x babe300 x

nice beginning.. I like to see more.. but could you maybe write the meaning of the japanese words? Of course everyone aroun here knows words like, baka but the rest? thank you ^_^ ...