Shinji found a wierd... date? Wouldn't the age and Asuka be bad. Realy Shinji being Asukas dad?

PLEASE tell us if it a joke or not!

That was a little fast.

Ah, the sweet smell of success. I got the idea for this parring when I heard that Chibi Fenier(sp?) was going to make it a chapter in his fic "Nightshift" on .

Oh and so far your doing VERY well with it.

OHH! Update soon! I need to read more of this! This is getting so good! D UPDATE SOON PLEASE!

Ha ha ha. Supreme bastard of the universe. Thank god he's dead! What an interesting way to kill him too. Hamburger meat, hehehehe. I hope to see another chapter from you soon. It's an interesting plot, and I would like to read more.

That was great, how youi had Gendo killed, thought I wonder how are you going to get Shinji, Yui, Asuka's mother and what other souls might be in the Eva's out of them. Also if you do bring shinji back will he still be his old self or will he look like Rei, blue hair and red eyes?

The biggest problem I saw has already been stated, the fact that its moving enormously fast. You also need to watch for repeated verbs. I would find a different way to describe Gendo in the first chapter, the way you did it took away from the maturity of the story. Lastly the sync sequence felt unecessary, like you were obviously trying to flesh out the story. Please take my criticisms with a grain of salt as Im sure Im guilty of the same problems I noted in your story.

Ender

SWEET! I had doubts about the premiss for this story in the begining but not I clearly see that this fic KICKS ASS! And considering there is now NO WAY this can be a Rei/Shinji fic it will be interesting to see who the parring will be. I say, since the Eva's can comunicate that you have Shinji and Kyoko (Asuka's Mother, she's the sould of unit 02 if you or anyone else didn't know) fall in love in the time Shinji spend in the eva, the reasons being; 1. beacuse I don't think it's ever been done and if it has then I've never read it. 2. Because I would like to see Asuka's reaction to hearing Shinji be her new father ROFL! and 3. If they can get Shinji out then they should be able to get his mother out and her as well.

As for the death of gendo being to muchj, HELL NO! I think you should have had unit 01 chew the bastard to death and the spit him on the wall.

Oh and back in chapter one you said that Asuka satrted gettin more angrier after the 16th angel, but it was the 15th that mind raped her.

Other than that last thing this fic RULES and I can't wait for the next chapter and the other stories you are planning to write.

oh please give us another chapter this story is soo cool

that was an excellant chapter! im loving this story so far Keep up the great work! i cant wait until the next chapter! UPDATE!

Yay! Gendo is dead. Good chapter, update soon.

okay...this was a bit odd...i don't really see any further than 10 chapters. unless SEELE steps in, then it might be a bit more interesting. anyways, i'll continue to keep my eye on this. well anyways, that's all from me

Cheers Ja ne

that was great! i really liked it! keep up the great work! UPDATE!

uh...wth just happened? that was highly rushed...

well at least you've smoothed out your writing in general, that is a sure sign of improvement. i like that. but now, you seriously have to slow down, and when i mean slow down, i mean it big time. you've compressed what could've easily been two or three chapters. although that shows your ability to squeeze in information into a short amount, that is good, for an essay. there you would need to compress what you say. however, this is not the case, as you need to expand, on even just one idea. if you read some of the better fics out there, you will notice people can easily make on idea, almost three paragraphs long. those people who can do that, and make it descriptive, without being repetitive a really good writers. try to find some of them, it would help a lot.

well anyways, that's all from me, gl with your quest of improving your writing. i see a lot of promise as a writer. just keep practicing, and you'll improve

Cheers Ja ne