How cute! ^^ I loved this story, it brightened my day~

You have a cute idea for a fluff fic, but I have no idea when this story is supposed to take place. I don't know why you're quoting a conversation that takes place in Submaton Color during a fanfic that otherwise fits in perfectly during Marin's summer break. If you took out the quoted part, it would be fine. If you leave it in, then that leads me to assume that this takes place after Submaton Color. This makes no sense at all, since Marin and Melan returned to earth in the winter, and the series ended in the winter. And when the series ended, Melan had to go back to Brigadoon. Marin also knew why she was being chased by the time they got to Submaton Color. So how can there be a fanfic that takes place in the summer with Melan sitting around on Earth, and Marin not knowing a thing?

I'm also pretty sure that Melan doesn't know what hyperthermia is. All he knows about humans, he learned from Marin and the tenement family. He might have learned about hyperthermia from Jun or Gramps, but he's more likely to tell Marin that he thinks she's getting overheated.

Other than those two things, I think you've got a pretty good story. If you changed those details, and perhaps got a beta reader to check for spelling and grammar mistakes, this would be a great addition to the Brigadoon section. As it is, I like the story, but it reads a little rough.

really kawaii!! :D i loved it!!

You know a fluff fic is good but a well written one is even better ^_^. It’s so cool to see a Brigadoon fic. It’s a shame they aren’t many. This one was good. However I would recommend you add a spoiler warning on you’re fic. Just to warn people.