all i can say is: Keitaro no Baka!

wah, my tears almost fell off,, well,,it seems that me and shinobu are alike,,what a sad, but wonderful story,,i would just like to suggest something, next time, i would like you to write a story with a happy ending,, it's just my suggestion,though,,

well anyways,, that was just another "inspiring" story, i'm looking forward to more stories made by you,,(naks),, haha,,
until next time, thanks!

I thought that this story was very well written. good job!

That being said...

I hate it. I understand your reasons for writting it, but I still hate it whenever Shinobu's heart is broken. Not just let down like in some stories, but totally shattered like in this one. And that's all I can see in this story. One pure, innocent girl, haveing her heart shattered by the man that she loves. It's stories like this that drove me to write the Diary. If there is one person who has never done anything wrong, it is Shinobu. She doesn't deserve to suffer. And if she must, she should at least have a happy ending.

I really hope that you were speaking figuratively when you said that they should go away from each other. In the Love Hina universe, trying to douse one's feelings by running away is never the answer. Akamatsu made that point several times. What would have been more appropriate was if Keitaro told her that even though he loved her as a sister, he DID still love her, and that he would still always be there for her and she would still always have a place in his heart, or something along those lines...

I like the way you've written Shinobu's confession, and the end is SO SAD! The background songs are nice too, are the words stuff that you've wriiten or are they by other artists?

I must mention one thing though, and that is some of the stuff that you've written for Keitaro. I just don't think it fits his character, not neccesarily the words but the fact that he says them at all. Though it does exaggurate the trust between Keitaro and Shinobu and sets up an even bigger fall for Shinobu, which I like.

Wah, nice! You received a good compliment...
Now can you let this one be a flame?
Nah... I think you already have a trauma and besides I'm not that good at creating flames unlike GTRFG...

Just keep writing and reading... It would help you become a better writer than you already are.

Hmm what can I say?I've read a lot of stories that focus on Shinobu/Keitaro 'relatinship'.
Your story is one of the best I've read this year.
As for a girl in such a young age , you sure got talent for writing.

Shinobu confession was a 'classic'.

Update soon.
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.