 2006-02-25 . chapter 1 Aww... sweet cynical Yuki. I won't whine if there's no follow-up, but I love this pairing and I like the way you wright Haru so I vote yes.
And, speaking of your writing, you're good, very concise but not too much so. But in three or four places you start to use expressions and then misuse words and kind of turn the expression irrelevant... like, "felt the eminent onslought of a headache coming on," for example. I'm assuming you meant "imminent" which makes "coming on" redundant. And, okay, that one I might just be wrong on and you did mean "eminent" but there were two others.
And now I'm coming off all nit-picky, but I loved this, truly. |