Just a thought, but writing in present tense isn't always the greatest thing for a story, it makes it seem too hectic. Maybe try something in past tense? Just my opinion, you don't have to listen to it.

This is a sad story

Yes, Sonar, it did.

sucked greatly

ACK! It's really short. But cool, I like how you put Alex and Tempest in that kinda situation. I can't to see what happens next.

Tempest: Let me go!

Alex: You don't want to fall to your doom.

Hey, cool!

Hmm...a little strange but hey, what can i say? You're cool and i'll wait for chapter 2-if you make one.

May I ask where this is going?

What the heck? It's cool, but I don't get where you got it. Hmm.