this is an interesting fanfic. I like the concept and plot of the story. I just wanted to give youa a few tips about something.

I realize that this story is writtern is third POV (camera POV), but it would be nice if you could help describe that characters within the story instead of at the end. If you take out time to write a separate, brief paragraph about the new characters introduced, that you help your readers a lot better. I like it, but it was getting a little annoying not knowing who the characters are until the very end or in the middle of the story.

Lastly, when I've been a little confused about the future generation in chapter 3. I mean, I got that Quartermain, Skinner, Grey, Nemo, and Harker's descendant's names. However, I didn't know exactly who other charater were such as "the huntress subject to change," "the identical twin schizo.," and several others. Are the newcomers to the league? Where did they come from? I believe stuff like that is important to tell. It doesn't have to be a long paragraph of their background-just brief paragraphs.

Ok, I love you girls and I loved the cameo BUT only Elsa and Mary can call me Ted. It's just our thing and I'm OCD about anyone else using the nickname. Otherwise, you guys rock my socks and thank you so much for reviewing my new story! ^_^ Good luck ladies!

-Ana

lmao. this is funny!!

HOT!

I KNOW!

that made me laugh.

thanks for the update on your update! i swear to god i thought i had this on alert...hmm.. ok anyway, LMFAO. :) great chapter!

lmao, lovely pirates quotes!! :D:D still alittle confused, but im getting it. :D loved it.

kendra

LMAO!! I LOVE GIR! HE FREAKING ROCKS! ahh. :D lovely chapter. and i didnt say last time...the second chapter ROCKed. seriously. :D

KEndRA

this is great! but im not gonna lie...i am a tad bit confused on who says what in this story, but i really like it! especially all the POTC quotes! that rocked my white socks off man. :D im off to read the rest!!

Kendra

LMAO You girls are insane! And I would be delighted if you let me make a cameo appearance in your story! I can't vouch for Mary and Elsa. They are unfortunately detained within their own stories and I cannot let you borrow them lol Anyways, keep writing. It seems like it could be promising.

perhaps you meant kleptomaniacs. schizophrenics hear voices. kleptomaniacs steal things compulsively

Hahahaha
This was quite possibly the worst thing I've read in quite awhile. It has no detail, no real plot...you mention modern day actors which really takes away. I'm assuming the end of this chapter was more of a joke or spoof but dear god...if it wasn't I don't know what to make of life.

Either way, the first chapter was enough to let me know you should practice your writing skills.

I read more, and I just needed to add that you're absolutely right.
A random werewolf chick who just happens to be a queen, introduced into the league for absolutely no reason, immediately coveted by two of the male league members upon being introduced to them, and considered perfect and beautiful by Jekyll after he sees her tear her own skin off is obviously not a Mary-Sue.

Why can't everyone else see it?

Oh, the pain. I got about seven sentences into this and I'm surprised I managed that far.

Fortunately my benevolent side is out tonight, so there won't be any yelling. However - grammar aside, you should keep your characters IN character and add some content to your story so it's more than a loose plotline created through dialogue and the odd descriptive sentence. That I can tell you from just those seven sentences.

Oh, and by the by, it's one word. Werewolf. Not were wolf.

Wow, that's, um... that's a pretty violent summary, methinks. Kind of made me not want to read the story.

But I did anyway. *sigh* What's wrong with me?

-Dialogue needs work.
-Spelling needs work.
-Punctuation needs MAJOR work.
-Plot needs work.
-Names need work.
-Details need MAJOR work. They're almost nonexistant.
-Your attitude towards your readers need work. Maybe if you didn't threaten to pulverize your unhappy readers you'd have more than FOUR reviews.

Maybe you just need a beta reader.

Just some helpful advice. Take it into account. Rather, rinse, repeat. Multiple times.

*Note: If you feel like you need to yell at people for flaming ahead of time, it's probably a sign that you don't think you're story's very good. That should be a red flag to you that your story needs more work.*

this should go in the LXG section. so you might wanna put it there. good story though

You have no comprenhension of "tense." Look it up.

Also: Mary-Sue. Mary-Sue. Mary-Sue.