Quite a lovely little read; you came right to the point and managed to reiterate Locke's grief over the whole Rachel incident without getting overly sentimental. You have a nice fluent style of writing, and it's good to find a well-written piece of fanfiction every once in a while.

Some con-crit: the last two sentences switched tenses -- I don't know if you meant to do that, but it does make the flow of your story a bit awkward.
(doc)