I know it says on your profile that this story is on a semi-permanent hiatus, but I'm still hanging onto the hope that one day you'll pick this fic up. I mean, I can totally understand that there's real life and heaps more important things to do than to come back to a story that is bordering on four years of age with only two chapters, so even if you never plan to pick this up again I just wanted to let you know that I think the story is awesome so far and I am so captured by your style and set up. I just wish there was more!
Hey there, I'm way tardy in reviewing this so I hope you won't hold it against me. :)
I love the opening scene. Everything is described so succinctly and yet it's perfectly detailed. You've taken proper care of both incidentals (Padme's orange petticoats) to the more significant little specifics (Anakin's posture outside the door, his ability to recognize when she's barefoot). It's all very lovely.
Heehee, Anakin's puppy-eyes...no kidding! All manner of beauty and beast are helpless against their power! And his sliding on his socks across the floor! Okay, 1) Jedi in socks maybe cutest thing ever and 2) I get nervous when Anakin is this happy. It never bodes well.
This is a superb chapter. Sorry I didn't review earlier, but for Spring Break I went to France, so I didn't get back until a few days ago...imagine how happy I was to see that you had updated this story! :D
You continue to show an amazing amount of reality and personality, depth and meaning, in this story. This story is so intense, in both writing style and content, that I'm barely aware of my surroundings when I read this-my mind is wholly on the story.
Bail Organa, being the wonderful gentleman he is, offered Padme a way to keep her baby and live the type of life she always wanted...but will that really comfort Anakin? He's already so frustrated with her for saying she wanted an abortion in the first place, so if she goes to him and says 'oh, I changed my mind; I found us a place to live,' I'm not sure how he will take it...
I really love how you portray the interaction between Anakin and Obi-Wan. I love the chemistry between them. Anytime you have a scene between those two, I get this tingly sensation. (and no, it is not my feet falling asleep ;) ) Everything about this story is amazing; I hope you update soon.
You know, there's always somethings that I look for in a good fanfiction.
- A good, wide knowledge of the fandom that the author is writing for, otherwise it can crumble to pieces and has no apparent plot. It then becomes a Plot? What Plot? And I know many read that, but sometimes it's just a little boring, because it lacks the quality of a good writer who has a good stable foundation of knowledge about the fandom to build upon; - You have this. Congratulations. I'm so pleased: you're only the second author I've found on to have this ) Even I don't know if I do, because I'm not really an avid enough fan of many things. So well done.
- The second thing I like to look for is a large vocabulary and awareness of checking through work afterwards. I don't care whether you used a dictionary, thesaurus, spellchecker, or that the words were already there in your head, but it's brilliant. And I think you're the sort of person who wouldn't make any mistakes; because it's too good.
Right, now that I've told you the two points I always look for, you've given me some other things else to consider when I go to read fanfictions on here:
- A good layout, or something that really adds quality to the piece. Makes it look professional (many authors use this to do just that - but mainly they really can't write) but also it can give the reader more of a sense of where they /are/ in the fic. You've got a small little information section at the top, telling people everything they need to be prepared for. Plus I love the song lyrics at the end, the short snippet. )
- That they can actually /write/ the actions, and what a difference those small actions make to everything. Such as 'she blinked against his chest' - I thought that one was a gem. Most people would just have not bothered, or incorporated it into speech. I just /adore/ your writing style.
- Style. That's another point. Which you do -
- You haven't just jumped right into the love, sexual scenes; you're giving it time and space to develop. And when it does come to breaking the news, I don't think you're going to write any words for the either of the Jedi to say. There might be a smile exchanged, a small squeeze of a hand, but nothing more, to tell each other they love one another. This reminds me of my sister and her boyfriend; best friends, and then one day they just decided they would have a relationship as lovers. But they didn't tell each other they loved; they were just best friends. And that's what I think is so special about this fiction - it's got a relationship that's built on an excellent friendship.
If I had to mark this, I would surely give it A* (A grade, star level) level eight writing, and 10/10. Well done ) Thankyou for writing this.
Please continue -
R. Greywood
P.S - I think I'm more of a better reviewer than a writer xD
This is absolutely great. I like how you're taking the time to show us how deep and relaxed the relationship is b/w Ani and Obi. The things they do are more intimate than the husband-wife relationship b/w ani and padme, although you can't really blame em since they're at war and such. Also, I like how you're giving Padme a chance to be a good person and to show that she isn't exactly a bitch entirely, but she is thinking with her head here.
Favorite part of this chapter was when Anakin was pondering the calming effect of Obi-wan peeing. That was awesome.
Oh... oh sis, you have done it again. Everytime I read one of your chapters, I'm reminded of why Anakin and Obi-Wan comprise my OTP. You are a master of the different emotional levels of their relation ship so that, even when they're not having teh sex, lol, you can still feel the complete depth of the love they have for each other. And it's much more realistic and approachable as a form of love than just straight up hot sex in a fic. I love your stories for having that realistic depth to them. *hugs*
I also liked the relationship between Padme and Bail here. I wasn't certain the whole time what was the exact nature of their relationship. They were obviously good friends - m... chocolate truffles yum! - but I was half-wondering if there was anything more between them...or if either one of them wanted more. That was probably just my hyperactive brain though. Haha.
I think the coolest thing about your fics is that you can take the most mundane of things that we do in day to day life and make them something special. That's true writing in my mind. Kudos to you!
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