very long O_O...

Only read chapter 1 so far, being the evil and lazy git I am, but it does seem well thought out. Even if Seifer did agree to be Eternity's "knight" a little too soon for my tastes. Then again, I feel the need to draw everything out to insane degrees XD

Looking forward to reading the rest, as it does have some great potential.

Howdy there Sorceress! Good fanfic. I used to have FF8 back in the day, and it gives me a fuzzy feeling reading about familiar characters in a nicely done story. Brings back good ol' grade Eight... And Bill McCully... He used to beat me up. And take my lunch money. But I got him. Him and that 'Family' of his. They'll never find out it was me...

Now that I'm thoroughly done creeping you out, like I said, it's a damn fine story. Don't be put off by the lack of Reviews. The Final Fantasy fanfiction section is HUGE, and your story is Mature. Review count doesn't dictate a good story, at least, not in your case.

I enjoy it, and hey your making me happy. You've accomplished that :)

I have this on my story alet so keep it come come comin'!

This story is nothing but a shamless self-insert, coupling herself with most of the main characters that she probably fantasizes about. Most of the characters are OOC during the "mature" scenes and suddenly in character afterwards.

This story is really good, I can't see why you don't have more reviews. Either way, I love it. Can't wait for more, and the 'hine, hine, hine' remark from Kaelen made me laugh. Great character names, too. Great work all over, I'll be looking out for updates.

I read up to here so far. I honestly don't understand why you don't have more reviews for this, the story's great...

I've read up to here so far. Yeah, yeah, I'll read all the way to the end. The story deserves that much. It's... unusual. In a good way, of course. And hell yes I like it. The conversations seem stretched at times, and sometimes things feel over-exagerated, but that's fine.

Sweet, you brought Lulu into this. The explanation on the usage of circles in magic was interesting, too.

The phrase "Status Mages" didn't sound too well, but hey, you wrote this chapter a year ago, my remarks don't mean much anymore.

Hell, I'll continue anyway. You described the fight scene nicely, but it was hard to believe that Lulu and the sage would simply stand back and calmly watch while all that was happening. That made the scene seem a bit unrealistic. Small detail, but when you've got a large number of people in one room it's best to at least meantion all of them.

I'll continue reading, of course.

Rawr, the action starting already? Nice.

Heh, interesting how you not only included Xu in the story but made her just a cadet, too. I never really viewed her as a major character.

I'll go on reading now.

I've only read the first chapter so far, but I'll definitely be reading more of your work. It's a shame that you only got 2 reviews for all that writing.

Sorry if this sounds very "Hey, luks kool, keep it ^"ish, there's not much I can say about it yet.

You seem to have a decent story idea, and while I haven't read your other story, I think I have a big enough picture of your writing style to offer a little assistance.

There is no hook. A hook is something used by an author at the very beginning of the piece to draw the reader in. Examples include a conflict, starting out with a fight that the reader has no explanation for really gets an interest going. A qoute, or the definition of a word that the story centers around but that doesn't nessecarily seem to tie in at first is another example. The only story I've been able to start on here start with the words "I didn’t love him, did I ever tell you that?" It leaves the reader asking questions. Who didn't she love? Why? Who is she? Who is she talking to? What went wrong? That's the point of a hook.

The use of imagery seems to be a little, well, clumsy. For example:

I sat facing a table, sitting at that table was a young blonde. He was sixteen year old (male? boy? cadet?)who wore black pants, a dark blue vest and a long grey trench coat which had these blood red crosses on the arm-sleeves. I (could) only see the right side of his body -with- (because of) the way he sat -at- (facing away from) the table. I decided to draw him.

I settled into the hardbacked cafeteria chair, eyeing the new subject of my work. The light from the large windows glinted of the perfect blonde hair, it was cut short emphasizing the strngth of his facial features just the way that the tight vest emphasized the musculature of his hot body. He was tense as he glared out through the glass of the cafeteria window, you could see it throughout his body, even though most of it was covered by his oversized gray trenchcoat.

Or something like that. When you tell a story you are trying to create a movie inside the other persons head. And while See Jane Run does tell the basics it leaves out a great part, it forgets to take the reader with on Janes run.

I hope this is helpful to you.
Scarredangelft

very nice ur a good writer, any ideas when ur gonna continue Il cover you? XD