Hmm. I must say your writing IS impressive. Hehe, acting like one of those selfish snobs who think they pwn is fun. Overall, great story, it couldn't be more canon, I especially liked the:

"Can you take all the powerups from my suit and scatter them in well-defended and difficult to reach locations where I can only access with my most recently obtained item and is guarded by a one-of-a-kind creature which can only be defeated by said item?"

That was gold, considering how annoying it can be to find a weapon, but to get THAT weapon you need another powerup, but to get the powerup you need a weapon. This experiance is derived from Echoes, and I'm only exaggerating how frustrating it can be. Well, at least to my little bro, who isnt all to bright.

And Samus is a lesbian? To think of that, it's so weird.

Oh and the U-Mos part was also good. Along with the Chozo/chozeri debate.

The dragon snorted. "Me? It seems like you're the one who's paranoid about someone discovering your 'secret identity'. I remember when you didn't want anyone to know that you're female, or even human!"

Samus turned red and she crossed her arms defiantly over her chest. "I didn't want anyone to see me all feminine and fleshy. It...ruins my dangerous and mysterious aura!"

Ridley rolled his eyes. "'Dangerous and mysterious aura' my butt. You grew up among the Chozo. I don't know what sort of taboos or standards they maintain, but I really don't think they socialized you to be secretive, stoic, or bad-**."

This part was really funny, it relates to Metroid alot, along with Samus dying her hair. So anyway, I liked it. Was that long enough to not get you ped off? XD.

Oh, this is a gem. How did I overlook this for three years?

(You know, I'm actually pretty sure I'm responsible for the popularity of the Samus/Ridley pairing -- I mean, I didn't write the first fic with them, but I was slightly inspired by the first (which had a rather icky vore theme). I dropped the vore crap, added amnesia, and the rest is history).

Very entertaining :D

First things first, the story is hilarious. As Exilo mentioned, it does bear some resemblance to YGO: The Abridged Series, but then again, it was the intended idea.

Your grammar and spelling were great. I don't think I caught a single error at all. Some of the scenes could have gone for more description, but on the other hand, this might ruin it, as most fanfics have poor description.

Reading through the other reviews, I find myself agreeing with many of them - and yourself for that matter. Everyone sees Samus a little differently then the next, and it it those ideas that are being expressed in their stories.

As I've said other places, I'm not really in to the whole Metroid universe. I enjoy watching my brother play and help with some of the puzzles, but I'm no good at first-person-shooters, as I see Metroid (Prime series, mostly) from time to time. But I do like the universe and the stories, I loved how you could learn a lot of background story in Prime 1+2 (chozo, Space Pirates, Luminoths). I loved all that.

But many of you bring up a discussion about Samus; whether she is a caring or homicidal person. I'll admit that I don't have nearly enough insight to venture a guess, but I'll go with the justice belief. Why? She's a Bounty Hunter, but when was the last time she got paid?

Back on track, I think you did a fantastic job. You hit most fanfics right on and, let's face it, they exist in every community. Exploding Deku Nut made a similar over Zelda, where Link and crew (even Ganondorf) got together at Link's house and read fanfics and commenting upon them. They also made another cool one where they really build the tension, setting the scene for teh climatic battle between Link and Ganondorf... only to bring it all come crashing down by making them send out cuccos that worked like Pokémon. Yup, I kid you not.

I'm not good at staying on track, am I? Long review short: you did a great job, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Good writing.

PS: just to go along with some of the others, I'll throw in a link for a Metroid fic I wrote only a few days ago. It's a one-shot, at 1.500 words. It revolves around Samus and is titled 'Flight of the Huntress.' You'll have to read it to learn more. /s/4648892/1/

LOL! This is awesome, perfect parody that I could picture each piece in my head.
I was wondering though.. since this story caught my attention, can I turn it into a small comic? I would give you full credit and It would be only for non-profit usages ' w '

If you've ever seen Yugioh the Abridged Series, this is so much in the tone: pointing out the conflicts of canon and continuity not in some whinny essay but in an extremely humorous light. The best aspect of the humor is that you never fall into slap stick. It just wouldn't fit for this sort of parody. You maintain an extremely serious undertone will pretty much ripping the Metroid franchise (and a number of authors on this very web-site) a new one. Samus, Ridley, and the others glide through this with questioning anything too heavily, which just adds to the comedy.

Great work.

I think this should be required reading for all starting Metroid fanfic writers. XD

I haven't read that many Metroid fanfics, or played that many of the games, but you addressed pretty much every irksome issue that I've seen or could imagine seeing. Trashy shower scene, conflicting personalities, the magical reappearing Ridley...Random, ambling brilliance!

I try to step away from the norm when writing fanfics; I do a Pikmin/Metroid crossover. That's something you don't see everyday. ...Right?

Well then . . . I'll do my best not to bore you. You seem like a very to-the-point kind of person. I like that.

I never really got into Metroid. Its odd, really, seeing as how it met every requirement to entertain me. Sci-fi, aliens, explosions, and boobs. Halo could have done a little better in that last department. And by better, I of course mean less holograms. But I digress.

This is an excellent piece. It is not only humorous, but it serves to illustrate a point that I feel many fandoms suffer from. Its too bad there aren't more sensible folk like you around.

Excelsior! Bravo.

HAHAH! I like what you said in your author's note.

Hilarious. I liked it.

It probably adressed every single controdiction with-in canon or "fanon". I especialy like the RidleyXSamus joke. Very funny, and random.

That was pretty funny, I especially cracked up at the end. That's all I have to say about the story itself. I'm writing this review in regards to your Author's Note.

I'm going to make this clear... I SALUTE YOU. It's about damn time somebody said that.

Personally, I view Samus as neither a heartless monster or a highly-moral angel. When I write and publish my Metroid fics, my version of Samus will be a very troubled and dark soul that has commited some really wretched sins--yet is not entirely incapable of ruth.

I confess that I used to be disillusioned with the heartless Samus(Almost as much as I am with Fusion bashing, but I digress), but that has now passed. I REALLY don't agree with how Insomniac By Choice portrays Samus... but it's impossible to deny that he's an amazing writer.

And I think the way Nintendo handles Metroid canon is a GOOD thing. I don't think they're being lazy, but deliberately leaving some of the details to the imagination--and thus allowing fanfiction writers to come up with their own visions of the universe.

That's all I have to say. I hope it wasn't TOO unreadable.

"One side thinks that she's sadistic, lacks self control, hates everything, and kills babies" Is that a crack at me? ;) Hah, too true! I think you've gotten most of the cliches in one go here, but you know I rather enjoy them sometimes. Perhaps not in this particular fandom, but in the past some of the best fanfics I've read spearhead a cliche. When an author is good, a cliche fic can be amazing. Of course, when done badly.. that’s just cringe inducing.

It is understandable why Metroid canon can be so frustrating, but at the same time I think the vagueness is one of its best qualities. I love writing for this fandom purely because of the large gaping holes in the story and almost nonexistent characterization. This fuels more creativity (hopefully) honed by the broader strokes that canon has provided. Yes, you're right, canon should be respected, but when smaller details slip by it shouldn't cause a hernia. Sometimes, direct facts don’t lend themselves well to a narrative. This is why I believe writers shouldn’t be bound by EXACTLY what happens in the video games, purely because they are just that. Games, not stories. When comics and manga and other numerous things are thrown in, it’s the safest bet to just go with whatever is the most current. I don’t think explaining why Ridley is resurrected over and over again is important when writing a good story. Nor is it important what the true name of Zebes is, or Samus's hair color. These are small facts, and if someone tries to adhere to every single one, the story will suffer. If your plot and characters are good, it doesn't matter in the long run. I don’t think I'll ever fully comprehend the one true 'correct' canon, and I sure as hell KNOW I’ve ignored some facts purely because I don’t remember every little thing about the canon and was well into writing the story before I remembered. I think the basic history of Samus's journey should be honored. The rest is up to the creativity of the writer.

That said, there are some things that just blind side me. I will never for the life of my figure out why people have this obsession to pair Samus and Ridley together - if he becomes human or not, it makes no logical sense coming from what is shown of their relationship. The best angle on this I've ever read is the playful banter of 'Checkmate Old Friend', a relationship of a strange respect between the two just being what they are. Enemies. Beyond that is just ludicrous.

I think I'm getting off the point :) I supposed there will always be something that a person find unbearable. It really is hard when beginning writers try their hand at a fandom you love, but it comes with the territory. They will only learn if people point out their mistakes, and fics like this will always be welcome

...wow, i think my I.Q level just dropped a couple of points. I have to say, this was the funniest thing i've read so far :)

Heh. That was funny. About the Alimbic technology, she doesn't actually have any of it. The weapons she gathered were from various things, but she doesn't actually get any of it after beating a boss. They are found lying around, but not in technological areas. The other hunters from Hunters already have the weapons, so maybe they dropped them or something?

Alright, author notes acknowledged, I will, against my will, pose no questions here.
But I do commend you on this story. You are all too correct in your view of Metroid canon, that it is vague and, in places, it completely lacks. I think you hit just about everything I could think of to parody.
The part that made me laugh the most was where Samus goes on a mild-rant about becoming a metroid queen and the ensueing "not yet"..."I see". Something about that- short, pointed ending- stricks me as hilarious. Just thought I'd let you know that.
In regards to angsty vs. mothering Samus, I believe in a happy medium of sorts. I wrote a fic, A Moment's Silence, and in it I really tried to explore Samus's upbringing with the Chozo. The subject is very undefined by Metriod canon, and so I pretty much created my own version of Samus's life. From that writing, I came to believe that Samus would have a certain amount of morality and goodness, but one that is shadowed by confusion and an attempt to escape the pain of her loses, those of her parents and then the Chozo. In summary, I think Samus would really cling to her Chozo ties, as the Chozo were a powerful and noble race who not only shared their blood with her but taught her and gave her their technology. Because of this, I believe Samus would have emotional problems with opening up to new people, but once exposed would be a faithful ally. She would remember and have a Chozo influence in her lifestyle. And I think that faced with a choice between her personal happiness and suffering for the galaxy's good, that she would save the galaxy.
Anyway, that's me. I'm glad you don't bash people and reason that all new metroid authors bring a new angle to the series because I have similar opinions.
Happy typing to ya!