Reviews for Moonlit Revelations and Simple Pleasures

Reviews For: Moonlit Revelations and Simple Pleasures - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

amortentiaaa 2007-10-11 ch 8,	abuseHaha, Lily is too smart to join the pranksters. ;] Aw, Lily is so sweet, she wouldn't hurt Remus on purpose. ^.^ She would even lie to Slughorn! Lily makes the first move, tehe, how cute. James is such an insufferable git. They even came out as a couple in public! :D In the Great Hall, no less. I bet that was McGonagall's glass shattering :P
tin-tin456 2007-08-26 ch 8,	abusethis story is so beautifully made with an incredible story plot! I really really really love it!
tin-tin456 2007-08-22 ch 6,	abuseAW THIS IS SO CUTE!
dyingimmortal 2007-03-27 ch 8,	abuseI really, really love this story! -SweetSummerx3
InkandPaper 2007-03-26 ch 6,	abuseHahaha! Aw that was so cute! "Sorry... I needed a minute to process all of that" lol! So at last they're together. This was a great chapter, I liked the awkward conversation and then, at last, the kiss! "You’re insufferable. And annoying, and frustrating, and egotistical and…and… Grr!” She took two long strides over to him, placed a hand on either side of his face and planted her lips on his." LOL I love that bit. It's cute and funny and...just generally great! "...jasmine scented bath in the Prefects bathroom..." should be Prefects' ... just missed an apostrophe. I'm being picky again! I'm going to come back to this story! Preferably with a lot less than four months in between! lol :D
InkandPaper 2007-03-26 ch 5,	abuseshuffles feet Um, yeah. So, four months after I started this story... well, at least I'm back! :D The bit where Lily was watching James and then realised he was watching her too was funny! "Oh god, she was noticing Potter’s eyes. And he was noticing her looking at him. Crap, crap, crap." Lol! The bit where she reflected about Lupin and what he was going through was good, too. Seeing Lupin's plight through sympathetic eyes...I dunno, I just liked it :) But why IS she eating so much cake? I think James is right -- she's going to explode! lol!
teknikalitiez 2007-03-11 ch 8,	abusei LOVE this story! it's very well-written - great job!
BlueDolphinz 2007-01-12 ch 8,	abusebrilliant story. 'specially the last two chapters.
InkandPaper 2006-11-13 ch 4,	abuseHeeheehee, me like. How she managed to say all that without lying...well. Nouns of direct address have commas around them. So "“that would be lovely Professor.”" would be, "that would be lovely, Professor." Comma before Professor, and if she continued speaking there would be a comma after Professor, too. Yeah...definitely not as much time as before, heh. Going to have to leave it there :(
InkandPaper 2006-11-13 ch 3,	abuseWoohoo, I'm back! But with less time than before, ha. This was such a good chapter. Really. You don't need to rewrite much at all! The hunt and the subsequent action in the Hut was really exciting. It nearly gave ME an adrenaline rush let alone Lily! If you just chanced the bit about Remus still chanting 'no' at the very beginning, it would be perfect. "However she seemed slightly surprised when it did, in fact, open up and send it’s contents across the tiled floor. It’s contents which..." "It" possessive has no apostrophe, should just be "its". Haha I learnt that through fanfiction, now can show off my amazing knowledge LOL. The bit where she fell down the stairs made me giggle. I liked it. And the 'tea' bit at the end. Great chapter!!
Random Moose on the Loose 2006-10-23 ch 8,	abuseWoah... What a Brillant story. I loved it... Definatly going on my favourite story list =P Very interesting story line- Yet short enough so it didnt drag on. Loved it.
InkandPaper 2006-09-15 ch 2,	abuseHm, I adore long chapters but it does make reviewing harder! I have both good and bad things to say about this, so be prepared for a long analysis! I'll number the points to make it less confusing. (1) The idea of the blue orb is very inventive, and the way you described them being pulled back into the memory was extremely well done - the feeling of being in a whirlpool in a hot bath. But. You don't really explain WHY Lily chose to give it to Remus - to put herself through such a strenous mind-changing charm just for him? For Dumbledore, I would understand - but if Dumbledore had wanted Lily to show him what had happened, he could have given her the Pensieve to quickly and easily deposit the memory in. I highly doubt he would request her to perform such a complex piece of magic that would exhaust her and leave her in such a pitiable state. It would also have been a good way of showing James and Sirius' determination to discover what happened to Lily if they had convinced Dumbledore to let them have a look in the Pensieve, or sneaked in to his office and entered it. Lily handing Remus a blue orb to let them all see what happened to her seems far, far too convenient. (2) "Remus appeared to be scanning the area while Sirius was blatantly staring at curvaceous waitress who was tending bar." you've missed out the word 'the' twice. Easy to do, I know. (3) "Mostly the pretty, popular ones who were (frankly) fairly vacuous and irritating." - I would put frankly in between commas, rather than in brackets - "who were, frankly, fairly vacuous" etc. Sorry, I know I'm being very picky, and believe me, I am FAR from perfect! (4) The atmosphere you created in the pub was really great. I loved the conversation between the girls, too - hilarious! The little comments between Sirius and James were also funny - especially when people were walking through them! That cracked me up. (5) You've created a believable character for Davey Gudgeon. I don't think I've ever seen him in a fanfic before. I liked how he lied about how he got the scar from trying to touch the Whomphing Willow and Lily caught him out! It was also funny how Pandora was going on about him, then we discovered the real Davey. And then Lily taking the mick out of Davey and the bedpans, heehee... and of course, the accidental slip of Lily's when she all but admitted she liked darker haired boys...whoops! (6) DADA - you should write Defence Against the Dark Arts. DADA is only ever used in fanfic, never in JKR's books. (7) I liked it when James found it unnerving watching himself, it reminded me of Harry in Prisoner of Azkaban. I wouldn't call the past James 'Alterna-James' though... it sounds weird. Of course, it's your fic, feel free to ignore me. (8) " “Should watch where your going Evans.” " - should be 'you're' I know it's just a slip, I can see from your writing that you have very good spelling/grammar, which is GREAT! (9) Amber and Michiko pretending to swoon at seeing Lily and James - HA! I love it! Good thing James didn't see that before, hey? (10) "He Sirius bark with laughter at the girls’ antics and exchanged a significant look with Remus." - I'm guessing you meant to put a 'heard' after the 'He' at the beginning? Or just, 'Sirius barked with laughter' (11) I love the awkward dialogue between Lily and James! Poor guy. He means well. (12) The way Lily handled the Death Eaters was great, shows just what a competent witch she was - though maybe a little bit exaggerated. (13) I'm guessing you haven't rewritten this chapter yet since Peter so far seems non-existent! Or at least, haven't reposted. (14) I wonder who the female Death Eater was... it was so cowardly of the other to hit Lily in the back! Huh. Shows their Slytherin-ness perfectly. (15) "“They were in the woods Prongs... " should have a comma before Prongs, as Sirius is speakign to James. I really am picking this to pieces, aren't I? Please, don't be offended. I'm only spending so much time on this (when I should be doing other things!) because I think this is a great fic, written really well... and can just be improved that little bit more. (16) " “No, no, no, no, no, no…” James and Sirius turned to see Remus backing away from them, shaking his head and chanting. “No… no it can’t be… no nobody would… no, no, no, no, no, no…” " - Well, when I realised what had happened to Lily - and I still can't BELIEVE you did that to her! Stuck her in the Shrieking Stack with transformed Remus! - I was horrified... but Remus isn't reacting as I think he would have. Just chanting No, no, no, no over and over... mmn... a bit of an anticlimax. Well I have to say that this is the longest review I have ever written, by far! Like I said, please don't hate me for picking on every little mistake - it's just because I like it that I've spent so much time analysing it! I will definitely come back to this story though. And re-read it when you post the rewritten chapters. Really good work so far!
InkandPaper 2006-09-15 ch 1,	abuseWhat an exciting start! So many things happening in one chapter, I like that. I don't know what this chapter was like before but it seems fine to me now. Peter IS a more minor character during the Marauder times, after all. You write James and Sirius really well, by the way - really captured their personalities, especially in the dialogue. In fact, I think your writing style is great all over; very smooth and a pleasure to read.
redglasses 2006-06-18 ch 8,	abusehi there! this story definitely deserves more reviews! i loved it! - particularly the last two chaps with lily/james. it was very cute how they got together!! pls write another fic!
GoldenEcho7287 2006-05-15 ch 8,	abuseI just wanted to say that this is an excellent story. I couldn't believe it when I saw that it only had four reviews, so I decided to make it five. Which is almost the perfect number.

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