Wow.

Just, a whole lot of WOW.

I adored Angeline's pov - the fruits, her reaction to Timmy/Major, the *conception* behind the story and her conclusions and sacrifices in the final scene.

But Major's pov was very nice indeed. How he was tracking/following her body's reactions; how he was the sensible one who came in when the others were frozen up. That definitely fits into a very nice Butler picture.

And *shiver* on the baptising of herself in a fountain of lies. The imagery in this was very very nice indeed. Occasionally it got a little loopy, and you might keep that in mind and use it more sparingly, but it was delightful to read.

A lot of love on the turn around in the final scene. The double nature of it fit so very well to the characters, the development, the language you chose. And it came unexpectedly. The first part of that section I was trying to trace Angeline's future madness, but placing the importance on Timmy and the Major as being her saviors as well was delightful.

I'm very sorry that Lily didn't succeed in making me read this earlier, because it was a very pretty journey to take.

~ Yeti

Okay, wow. :D (And I'm talking about the fic, not the fact that I actually made it here. Finally. :))

I *loved* the way you've tackled a contriversial issue, and not only that, but done it from an unpopular POV in a way that makes her sympathetic as well as highlighting her prejudiced, dislikable, and irrational characteristics. That takes serious *skill*, and you've totally pulled it off. We like her, we understand why she behaves as she does, and we still don't agree with her. Wow.

It's definitely wordy, but I don't think it's *too* wordy. It's just so *pretty*. I really like your style, and the extended metaphors are particularly beautiful. Your adjectives and personifications really make the story what it is - I especially like the way the descriptions you've given to T&A's first meeting.

I also particularly like the conflict she feels over performing religious rituals with her "defiled" hand. Very nice.

And possibly my favourite line is: "He felt others so completely that they occupied every inch of him, stretched his skin and leaked out his pores so that his flesh wept from the force." M, *shivers*. This is *such* a good description.

Concrit:
Hm... I wonder if it would be rendered a bit more managable with shorter paragraphs, especially to start with. The first and third in particular, I think, are what made it so hard for me to settle into the fic.

"...dabbled frequently with the “Big Boys” of the Irish community." Using "Big Boys" threw me off for a moment - even in quotes, it just... doesn't fit with the lyricism and formal language of the things around it.

"...there was another tertiary force..." I think you just mean "a tertiary force", unless you're talking about a second third force.

The paragraph where you describe the third voice drops out of the same person as the rest of it - it's in a narrator's POV, rather than thirdpersonAngeline, which threw me momentarily. But I did like the description of it.

Now, the only major criticism I have is about the fourth section. First of all, the transition into it threw me a little. It misses a whole lot of Angeline's thoughts, and skips ahead, which was unexpected because the other transitions skipped backwards to reiterate material from the previous section before pushing onwards from the point that section had ended. This one was... different, and it was disappointing to miss out on the moment where Angeline made her decision. This section also hops across POVs and back again, which is disconcerting.

But finally, I lovelovelove your ending. It is truly beautiful. The whole dichotomy, the imagery, the connections and allusions... I can't tell you all I love about the ending, because I'd just quote it back to you. But it's just perfect.

Overall, well done! This is marvellous, intelligent, and thought-provoking work on an intriguing subject. Thanks for sharing!

Hmm...odd, to say the least...

Silver: Pedophilia is NEVER cool. (blasts Butler)

But it's well-written, so it's all good.

hey, i loved this- really fascinating and engaging. don't worry about wordiness- you're a great writer. I loved the parts about Angeline's (mildly fanatical-sounding) beliefs- 'she was an angel' and so on. it's rare to find pieces on this site that involve religion, but you've handled this very well. aceness;)