|Reviews for Regrettable?|
| notwritten 8/8/08 . chapter 3
This is a enjoyable, and pleasant chapter. Thank you for sharing it. Have a wonderful weekend. Keep smiling. :-) Update please.
| Shadow of a Fallen Angel 8/8/08 . chapter 3
Wow, its been a while since i read some of your work.
Awesome chapter. It's any wonder i still remember what the story is about lol.
Oh well, hope you get back into the spirit of writing without too much difficulty
| Shadow of a Fallen Angel 1/15/08 . chapter 2
Wow...i like this sotry so far...i'll make sure i keep an eye out for it
| Fuppa 12/3/07 . chapter 1
Congratulations mortal! Fuppa has decided to bequeath a review upon your unworthy coil.
Fuppa wonders why you attack the reader before your story even begins? You are so defensive of your Mary Sue. (Fuppa assures you that no one wishes to 'steal' your Mary Sue or your renditions of your young nephews.) Fuppa wonders if this anger stems from your horrendously long name? Did you suffer terrible teasing during your early years? Fuppa hopes there is a shortened version of Aviarianna O'Lorien. Yikes.
Fuppa understands that, incorrectly, you will take this review to be a flame. But Fuppa wishes simply to explain the faults of your character, which you have correctly identified as a Mary Sue, only once, and then silence ourselves.
*Fuppa wonders how many actual books you have read. In true pieces of writing (those that are actually published) there are no "Ages and Descriptions" section written in the beginning. The point of writing a story is to reveal such description within the story. Fuppa wonders if you realize that you are defeating the purpose of writing a story at all. Explaining your characters before your properly begin is kind of like cheating and patronizing to the reader.
*If Katarina were really a human, her eyes wouldn't change colour with her mood. Fuppa wonders how many actual humans you have met. Perhaps as many as books you have read? Fuppa is also curious as to why the whole paragraph about Katarina is devoted to her physical appearance. There's something wrong with her personality: it doesn't seem to exist.
*Fuppa also has the feeling that this Mary Sue may be a re-imagining of yourself put into fanfiction. If this is true, Fuppa feels it's a little arrogant to describe one's self as overly creative. Fuppa would like to point out that stealing a lame plot from a bad movie is not creative.
*Fuppa would also like to address Katarina's stealing of Labyrinth. Printing a book off of one's computer is not legal.
*Fuppa is curious: is Katarina English, by chance? Bloody is not a slang term often used by American teenagers.
*Fuppa would like to point out that describing the entire wardrobe of one's character is not necessary or pertinent to the story. Neither the reader nor Fuppa truly cares what color tank top Katarina is wearing.
*Fuppa is confused. In your story it is expressed that Katarina is "...strong and protective and new how to be calm and collected even when seething on the inside...". However, earlier, Katarina acts much differently. "“Yay…” She muttered to herself, grabbing the phone from it’s holder aggressively. “More good news….maybe mum and dad’s plane crashed or Amanda’s gone and gotten in a car accident.” " To Fuppa, verbally wishing death upon one's parents is not very calm and collected nor protective.
*Fuppa wonders why Kat is so angry. Is it because of your name?
Katarina's anger and your own apparent anger only serve to prove Fuppa's previous comment about your displacement of yourself onto your Katarina character.
*Fuppa is confused again. Fuppa does not like being confused. "Finally, she got Tyler to be quiet and with a roll of her eyes sat down on the edge of Kyle’s" Katarina sat down on Kyle's what? Fuppa thinks that if you only finished your sentences, Fuppa might be a little less baffled.
*Fuppa sighs with disappointment and disapproval. Copying and pasting copy-righted material is not okay. This only further serves Fuppa's previous point about Katarina's self-insert status. Not only does Katarina steal material from Labyrinth, so do you. In fact, this whole story just seems like Labyrinth retold with a new character. This should not happen. Labyrinth is bad enough the first time.
*Fuppa wonders if you know what bi-polar disorder is. Katarina (and therefore yourself) seems to display mood swings of volatile proportions. Or perhaps you do not have a psychological disorder and are only wishing to be as calm, cool, and collected as you claim Katarina to be. Or, as Fuppa hypothesizes, having a name so long as Aviarianna and being teased simply addled your brain when you were young, permanently scaring your ability to feel and express emotions properly.
Before Fuppa leaves you with these points to mull over, Fuppa would like to remind you that real writers do not let criticism (constructive or otherwise) stop them. However, false writers do. This is how one weeds out the writers from the wannabes. Fuppa hopes you are a writer.
Fuppa the Almighty
| notwritten 12/2/07 . chapter 2
This is an enjoyable chapter. Thank you for writing it. :-)
| Lady Kiren 4/2/06 . chapter 1
I really like the start you have here. This sounds like a very good an interesting story, update soon!