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| effie's head 2006-05-29 ch 5,  | abuseWriter's block...what a pain! Nice chapter! I really like where this is going. I have one suggestion--dividers to make scene or POV shifts less confusing. Keep the good work! |
| effie's head 2006-04-19 ch 4, | abuseGreat job! Oh, poor Ranon...I can't wait for the next chapter! |
| quitter 2006-04-06 ch 3, | abuseUpdate! You must update! |
| Neurion 2006-04-03 ch 2, anon. | abuseI would like to note that there are many grammar errors in here probably, and I do my best (I'm only in 7th grade). However, if the story is understandable, then I am happy. For the most part. |
| Kami's Neko 2006-04-03 ch 1, | abuseI'm assuming this is yours, James? ^^ You've done very well, for it being your first fanfiction... I have a few corrections, though: In your summary, you've misspelled 'too' as 'to', and also the summary is cut off, something I've always found as annoying. The best way to fix this is just to include the summary before the first chapter. For the chapter title, something a little better than 'The Beginning' would be nice.. "But Ranon didn’t have any more time to dwell on it, he was quickly being led out of the room by two guards, and, before he knew it, he was outside." I think you've used too many commas - you may want to take out the one after 'and'.. Other than that, it's very good.. ^_^ ~Kathryn |
| effie's head 2006-04-03 ch 2, | abuseMan, this cliffhanger is even worse than the last one! ;-) |
| SarahNev 2006-04-03 ch 1, | abuseGreat chapter! You're really a great writer, I look forward to reading more. ^_^ |
| effie's head 2006-04-03 ch 1, | abuseThis is wonderful! I love reading stories about the history before the show. So, great start! Nice cliffhanger, too... |