very nice

I like how it ended - it was a little rushed the last half of this chapter but that's ok - I just wish the whole stroy hadn't been a dream - it would have been more interesting to see how that storyline would end

I'm ok with hwow this story ended - just promise me u won't end FGTCGAB as fast as this one - for this story it wored but seeing as you went further in depth with FGTCGAB you cant end it that fast - pls promise me u wont

:D 20 stars out of five for this story (I really liked the dream - not particularly the fact that it was all a dream - but deff what went on it - u know me dramaholic XD)

hey - is there any spots left for a minor character - idk if u've finished this tory yet or not

msg me and let me know cuz apparently u can only review a specific chapter once

wow...awsome story!you just HAVE to write more...please wrte more!it is so cool

Nice chapter, subclavian artery though, not subclavicle and it would be in that area.

We do give you props for having this be a romance featuring Steve, however this fic is in dire need of betaing by someone who has a clue of what they are doing.

In short, not you looking back over the chapter after it's been posted. Someone else with fresh eyes who can read this and see what you wrote, not what you meant to write.

Why would Soda be best friends with a girl? Boys and girls didn't often socialize in that way during the time period, and he would need a more subtantial reason than their parents are friends.

The third chapter is a giant infodump, and it is ugly. Who cares what the OC's middle name is? Who cares if her hair falls three inches past her shoulders or four or five? Can't you just say it is long? Does her exact height come into the plot somehow?

How many times have we see "The Gang Plus One Girl" trope? It's so cliche', it's worthy of an essay on our site.

The rest of the chapter goes downhill from there, with a listing of the gang and how they see your OC. We see you use the "I Overheard Something About Myself" trope for these, at least, instead of having her "just know." However, all of this information could have been worked into the story.

Thus far, we see precious little plotting in this story, but we do see an awful lot about your OC, whom we have no interest or sympathy for, because you push a laundry list of attributes and appearance at us, instead of building a real character whom we might feel for.

A sympathetic character is more about solid characterization and plotting skills, and less about exactly how long your character's hair is.

As for your manufactured wangst, it could have been handled so much better. Divorce was not at all common during the time period, and your character could have thought about having divorced parents made her different from other kids and how she felt ashamed of her broken family.

Instead of playing it low-key, you go overboard with wangst. This is a typical Mary Sue trope, and a tool for the author to attempt to force the audience to feel bad for her character. The savy reader sees through it and often resents the cheap attempt to force sympathy instead of creating it through good story-telling.

Oh, and we hate your bitch of a Mary Sue who acts like a raving bitch no one in real life would like, let alone put up with her threats, put-downs and dramaz. She shoves the canon characters out of the way, and it's all about her, her, her. People come here to read about the Outsiders characters, not your sue.

Plus, the names of your original characters don't fit the time period.

Basically, this sucks.

I LOVE LOVE LOVED it that was really good with you tell the very end of this grate story

hey i love ur story but i havent seen alexa recently in the story will she come back or wat happend to her? but i love reading ur stories and i am always waiting to read wat happens next
keep it up

Ok, I have some problems with the way this fic is evolving just from examining chapter 1 and some brief looks at future chapters.

Your OC is close to being, if not definitely, a Mary Sue.

She has normal hair and eyes, which is good, but she's supposedly "all that" for a greaser - she's friends with very single member of the gang and they make some OOC observations about her. I just cannot see Dallas Winston telling your OC "she needs to talk more". I *can* see him saying that she needs to think straight in a fight. You also recycle some of the phrasings in the book about how Darry's admonitions to Ponyboy feel a bit excessive ("if I'm getting Bs I should be getting As and if I'm getting As they should stay As"; note the analogy to Darry's parental-type attitude when canonically, he doesn't seem to pay attention to anyone's educational pursuits except Ponyboy's).

And as far as her parents go, she also has parents with perfect appearance, never mind that the stress from an 18-hour factory job (which would violate most union contracts and probably even be illegal under state labor law in the 1960s) would accelerate the aging process if sustained for a significant length of time, and their break-up etc seems mostly designed to give the OC a tragic past to angst over.

Also, this first chaper is a bit of an info-dump. Spread the back story around a bit more.

Then, later on, you give Steve a crippling injury, apparently for the sole reason of giving your OC primary place in his life. You have other rather odd situations such as a girlfriend of Dallas's hitting Johnny. Johnny may be meek and may not believe in hitting girls but I don't think he'd just refuse to defend himself.

Then you have Tim Shepard, supposedly good friends with your OC, suddenly slagging her off by calling her mother a whore, and then he whimpers and backs down before her brother instead of engaging in the usual mano a mano business in which he has to knock Tim down.

Then you have Dallas Winston, again supposedly friends with your OC, grabbing her wrist and squeezing it. Whatever for?

Now maybe there's something I'm missing but aspects of this fic don't seem properly integrated, in addition to the other points above I've mentioned.

o yay im so excited to see wat happens i loved it soo much i thought u were never goin to update hhaaha o soo good that whole bit about dally meeting her i like it alot!! yay keep on updating maybe later wen they get closer a jealous ex shows up i dont no just thoght of the idea rite now so im just throwing it out
thanks soo much I HeaRt this story

That was a really good chapter. I just want to put in that Sam is shy around people who she doesn't know but once she does get to know them she's hyper. It's really good though. Update soon.

That was a great chapter! Mel better change back!

umm, im happy with carina. I think i have issues, i'm like invading this site dating two-bit! hehe, well this was a reaaly good chapter!

awesome chapter dude! update soon

I liked the update and you got nothing wrong with Sam! Update soon!

Update soon. I can't wait to read the next one!