Like I said, I prefer a Percy who really didn't believe Harry. This ending didn't satisfy me.

wow, this was so cute! I feel so sorry for percy. I like the idea! Really great. I LOVE IT *SMILE*!

good story and I'm glad Molly and Arthur forgave him.

LOL that was funny. I think his outburst no matter how inappropriate considering he was supposed to be appologizing for the first one rang true. He said how he felt and that was good.

Sweetie? There's a certain measure of truth to this. Molly was very proud of Percy, but the twins and Ron were hostile from the first time we saw them and Ginny soon followed. Percy is in an awkward position as third child; Bill and Charlie would have left him out of their games as too young and the twins have always been sufficient unto themselves.

It doesn't sound like Percy. The words are too simple and direct. I always read the canon-quotes at Harry Potter Lexicon (Google it) aloud before writing a character for the first time to help my ear attune to their speech-rhythms.

Your view is canon-compatible, but personally I sympathise more with a Percy who really didn't trust Dumbledore. When you look at canon from his point of view and number the times his loved ones (younger siblings and girlfriend) were endangered by Dumbledore's really extremely whimsical decisions and strange choices of DADA teacher, you start to ask not why Percy turned away from Dumbledore but why the rest of his family didn't.

The story's concept is nice, but you really should change your summary. I nearly skipped over your fic because the summary didn't appeal to me. After the title, your summary is what attracts readers and makes them want to read your story. Change it to something like: 'In the summer after sixth year, Percy finally comes back to apologise to his family'. I'm sure you can come up with something. Your writing in the fic is good, so why not use correct capitilation in your summary?

Next point, you switch tenses around in this fic. Take one and stick to it. Most writers use past tense as it is easier, though I would prefer this fic in present tense. It kind of gives it its own taste. Let me give an example of your tense switches:

I approached the door and knocked gently. I waited for a few seconds before the door creaked open, hoping it was my mother, as she is probably the only one who misses me and wouldn’t slam the door in my face. It was.

“…Percy…Oh, Percy!” she says, a little on the hysterical side. She then proceeded to hug me in one of her bone crushing hugs.

See? First, you use 'approached, 'knocked', 'waited', and 'creaked', which are all in past tense. Then you suddenly switch to present tense: 'is' and 'misses'. Then you go to past tense again, with 'wouldn't' and 'was'. Then you use the present with 'says', and then past with 'proceeded'.

Try to pay attention to it in the next chapter - mixing up tenses can throw your readers off. Proofread much to avoid this - I used to mix up tenses a lot as well. :)

You confuse 'its' with 'it's'. 'It's' means it is. 'Its' is a possessive pronoun ('its legs').

I hope my concrit helped. You grasp of grammar and spelling is fine as far as I can see, with exception of the 'its' part. Though I just thought of something - I'd prefer it if you would seperate the A/N from the story with a line, as it isn't very clear where the story begins and ends.

I'll be watching your fanfic. :)

nice start. I hope this will have a happy ending! but bring dramatic into this!. Keep it up can't wait! SMILE