Edmund is so awesome!!

Let me begin by qualifying your ending.

You don't lead us into a death scene. It's hopeful. We can feel it. So don't worry, have a little faith in us. We can read between the lines and recognize that Edmund's a little out of it, but not dead. ;)

I love that Edmund's teenage petulance is still resemblant in these narrational lines. I feel in the tone an early adolescent speaking to me, and I really enjoyed that.

I also think that your creativity in choosing the monsters and explaining to us, in side notes, that Edmund's a little stronger than he thinks, are wise choices.

There are a few things that need expanding before they can be fully appreciated, though.

When you say that "Edmund lost control of himself", I was pleased by your choice of words. But then you zoom past it, into another nice segment (the "Aslanian conscience" bit). Slow down. Expand on how Edmund lost control. Show us how he felt, the conflict he had with that magic, and how he succumbed. You could even go so far as to work that into later paragraphs when you describe about the fox and how Edmund saw it as "poor" - because a pre-Narnian Edmund probably would not have said that about a fox.

It's a whole new level to the story that you introduce and let go, and I really want you to pursue it. There's no doubt that you've got the skill to pull it off. ;)

The description of Edmund's thoughts in-battle are neatly done, and the standalone line "She'd used him against Aslan" is packed full of amazing meaning. Can you expand that? Make Edmund a little angrier, a little more vengeful?

Also, when you say he hurts everywhere, can you explain it? It's totally vague. Make some metaphors, then run into Edmund's martyrlike thoughts and "fated" mindset (which I love).

All in all, I really love what you've got here, but I think you need to unpack some of your vaguer statements and images. Give us more, and give it more clearly, and you've got it made. ;)

Still, it's a delightful read as is.

Excellent work!

Keep writing.

I love the way you write!
Edmund is so real in this story, thinking of so many things at once, recalling, regretting, wondering, planning... The short sentences, such as "Aslan should be here" or "Stupid Turkish delight", get across Edmund's feelings much better than a paragraph would, they are so strong and simple.
I think I'll go and reread TLWW now :)

Great story!

I'VE FOUND YOU! I'VE FOUND YOU! I'VE FOUND SOMEONE WHO STAYS COMPLETELY TRUE TO THE BOOKS!
Good on you, and the other people out there who do the same.

Love your fic. You do Edmund's thoughts really well, and all the details - for example, how Jadis is turning one of Aslan's leopards to stone when Edmund reaches her - which align with the book are excellent.
Your summary - the passage from the book in Peter's words - got me hooked before I'd even read the fic, too. Very clever.

SilverTambourinist.

Well, I like the retelling of Edmunds breaking the wand with the little details you implimented. :)

Hey, great story! I enjoyed reading about how Edmund felt.

Well, it was nice(if you can call a short fic set in a battle that :) ) but I think it was a little unrealistic when you wrote that the whole battle would have been unnecessary if the four of them had gone to Aslan together. There still would've been a battle, since Aslan would not have just let the Witch reign forever.

Terrific. I loved how you stuck right to the books - a refreshing treat (I love the movie, but the books will always be better). You did an excellent job with Edmund's thoughts and musings - very in-character. The warfare was handled very well, also. Lovely job! *adds story to favorites*

Wow. Just... wow. That was terrific! Loved it, absolutely loved it! I love your writing style, too. Great job!

:-)
SHN

That was so good, could you write somethin else like that?

Oh, Ed. So despairingly noble. Nicely done; it was good to see some book-verse for a change. Especially loved the last bit.

Oh, that was beautiful! I loved it so so much! Ed's thoughts were so realistic and they fit his character so well. Would you mind terribly doing a sequal or a companion piece to this of when Aslan comes and what the remaining siblings do when they find their little brother/younger older brother in Lucy's case? PWEASE! *does puppy dog eyes* This is so going on my faves list! Write more soon! BYE!