Please update.

To lose your dragon...I'm crying...reading that was terrible...but it was perfectly written. No flaws. It actualy made me cry! I never want to be without my Keeganth! Dang...I'm still crying!

I really liked this fic becase you start by telling about a happy ocasion like a mating and then turn seeing from the other pov. I do wonder though. I think a green personaly would eather wait or move away from the queen becase she has the rank.

Honestly, I think mating flights take away much of a dragon's rational thought and make them react purely out of instinct. A queen who would normally never see a green as a threat would be more likely to simply react to her presence and try to remove the threat, as we saw here. Overall I liked it.

The style reminds me of Dragon's Kin, and I've been hoping to see more of this story.

A good story - hope to read more soon - you have talent!!

I liked it again. I just hope you dont forget the poor watch weyr and its handler with the hatching and everything else. Flesh out Kaeyi a little more and youll be set.

Bryan McMahon

Lesk or Sask? It changes throughout the chapter. Other than that, good chapter.

Great story. I think you need to put the entire thing up one day though. That way we dont keep guessing about some of the events and making you keep repeating your self in the notes. All in all though with whats there. It is supurb. No really I mean it. Keep writing. Just let me know if you need any help with writers block I got some great things to get rid of that.

Bryan McMahon

Ooh, a nice long one! :)

It starts well, with some good emotion from Lynnia. We don't really know from your story whether Lynnia and T'nar had much of a relationship prior to the flight. Obviously, when both weyrleaders are new to their posts (I get the impression that this was the first flight since the deceased queen died), they'll want to show a united front, but going straight to the dearest weyrmates scenario always bugs me. Hey, it's popular in the books (and even more so in fandom!), but look at Moreta/Sh'gall or K'vin/Zulaya, and even F'lar/Lessa in those first few weeks - it takes time to build a relationship, if one gets off the ground at all. Of course, if they're already a couple, fine, go with it... but if not, perhaps a little more awkwardness between them would help?

The hatching. This is where I add my usual gripe about dragon demographics. Very approximately: 50% green, 30% blue, 15% brown, 5% bronze and the odd queen egg. Fandom clutches are usually very metallic-heavy.

Anyway, it's hard to say much about the rest, other than that I'm really enjoying it, and it's well written, which I guess is what you want to hear! More, please ;)

Another well-written, enjoyable chapter.

One little quibble... Lari is quite happy to give Sattil a lift to Lemos without checking with anyone else first. Would the weyrleaders/healers/headwoman/whoever be happy with her making that decision? Not that anyone would stop him leaving, but I can't help feeling that it doesn't quite make sense for her to just take him like that, especially when she *barely* has a conversation with him at all before that point. It's really tricky to write these angsty scenes without getting repetetive, but if you make them too short in terms of the story's internal timeline, they just don't ring so true to me. [I'm having a similar issue with the next chapter of DragonDays...]

Anyway, on to chapter 3...

Oh, yay! You made new chapters! I'm putting this on alerts now!

Also, I like your characterization of Sattil and T'nar. They have very good interaction, and there's none of that "I'm a bronzerider so I'm better than you" personality in T'nar that you usually find in other Pern fics.

If you update soon, I'll update MY fics too!

I'm not sure that a gold and green would fight, even if they did rise at the same time, but whatever. Otherwise, it's a good story, and I'm interested in reading more about Sattil after he gets the watch-wher.

Cool story! Add more ASAP!

Not a bad short.

However, I do find it unlikely that a gold would be that bothered by a green rising, or that a green would rise at the exact same time.

We know that as far as firelizards are concerned that golds aren't bothered by greens in the same area, even during flights - see the flight Menolly witnesses in Dragonsong. We also know that greens can't be all that fussy about other greens, given the fact that they rise several times a turn, and that there are upwards of 150-200 greens in a weyr - that's at least one green flight a day! We also know that after a queen flight, the losing bronzes have the option of finding a willing green. So, greens rising have no effect on other greens, and they may very well rise on the same day as a gold.

But would they rise at the same time, and if so, is that likely to bother a gold? I think the answer is no, to both questions. Why? Because no bronze/brown is going to bother chasing a green when the queen is up for grabs. And unless she only fancies being chased by blues, I can't see the green in question minding the brief wait until the queen's flight is over. Further, you'd need to have a pretty insecure queen to worry about a green tempting the bronzes/browns away from her, and given that mating brings out the absolute worst arrogance/egocentricity in a queen, I can see her laughing at any green who chose to rise rather than fighting her off.

Anyway, my quibbles about plausibility aside, I do like the story.

Oh, that poor green, getting killed by a jealous gold. This is really not helping my opinion about queens' competetiveness. First was that scene where Ramoth almost killed the girl who was blocking her way to Lessa, then FANFICTION about golds killing my favorite color.

But to be honest, it's plausible. I mean, queens can't even stand EACH OTHER flying at the same time.