 Erika Strider 2007-06-08 . chapter 1I found a couple errors in this fic, but nothing too bad. For one thing, Itachi was... Thirteen, I think, when he killed his clan. Sasuke was eight.
Another, is that a Sohma must be born with a Spirit of the Zodiac, I think... They just don't get it when someone with the spirit dies.
And if you use -san, -kun, -sama, etc... Can you say Itachi's name 'Uchiha Itachi' instead of 'Itachi Uchiha'? It just seems to fit in a bit more then saying their name in the westren order. And I don't think you need to put translations for certain words down. People who read Manga/watch Anime should know some basic Japanese words, like 'Hai' is 'Yes', 'Iie' is 'No', 'Nani' is 'What', etc. The more complicated words should have a translation though, like how you described what Daifuku was.
All around, though, creative fan fiction. Though, about Konoha, wouldn't that be in a different dimension or something? Since the entire Ninja country is as big a Asia? (Maybe even bigger, seeing as the Snow Country from the First Naruto Movie is across the sea) |