everything was just dandy and going along iinto an interesting sequence of events, but the language in the sex parts ... well i was flinching at some of those words.
tone down the language, it leaves nothing to the imagination.
** is not an attractive word, neither is ** nor cliterous.
thats does nothing for no one. otherwise, quite good writing

Actually, I agree with K. May, and I was kinda looking for slash too... But hey, with the fic on the whole, it's real good, except that it seems like a part cut from a whole fic, you know, missing a bit more plot. But I'm not criticizing, k?

Um... Okay. Wow. Quick question -- how much of "The Count of Monte Cristo" did you read? Did you pay attention? This scenario, while decently IC with Franz (at least as IC as a lemon can be), is not just OOC, but also completely impossible. There was no "woman" at the Carnival apart from the one who first caught Franz's eye, Teresa, and the way you write this implies that Franz porks this other "woman," not Teresa. Here, from chapter 29:

"...The Frenchman [Franz] asked for a rendezvous; Teresa gave him one, but instead of Teresa it was Beppo on the steps of the church of San Giacomo."

"What?" exclaimed Franz. "The peasant girl who snatched his moccoletto from him...?"

"Was a lad of fifteen," replied Peppino. "But it was no shame on your friend to have been deceived. Beppo has taken in many more."

(...And you as well, it seems.)

Otherwise, it's not bad for a straightforward sex fic, although a bit crude and a bit short. But there is something very amiss with the gender/genitalia.

But hey, no one's perfect. Certainly not me. I was just a bit dismayed, expecting a nice "Monte-Cristo" slash!fic that doesn't involve old men. Ah, woe.

there was no plot and I didnt understand the last part, you went directly to the lemon and you didnt even clarified who the woman was.

i think you should write the second chapter where there's all these girls who perform some ritual on him and drink his blood.

or they could have an orgy, whatever you want.

;)