Please please please update this! I really really want to know what happens!

it's a brillent Idea, has many ways it could go, and I really would love to see more

(Although the line '17 years old with in it' Should be more like ' looked around 17 with an old blue suit on' hope that helps)

Your story is great and very eye taking but I see only a few problems in this story. I can understand using little japanese translation but try putting what it means at the beginning before the story begins. It'll give the readers a heads up on what it means when they come across it.

Your description is great and very picturing but the chapter itself could be longer. Overall I give it a 6/10 for now, a fair grade from me. We'll see how much it improves when its continued. *thumbs up*

Ah! I love this.