I don't mind the no punctuation, but I think it would have been less awkward if you separated the dialouge somehow. The fact that it's all jumbled together makes up for most of the unclarity.
Unclarity isn't a word. I just totally made that shit up.

The no punctuation thing really worked with this.

+ to Favs

That was... odd and disjointed... but I loved it! You really really made it work. Wow. That was great. The punctuation, the jumping around--it all just fit so well. Congrats on a job well done!

Um...I love it!! One thing though, well, I'm kinda a grammar/spelling cop (everyone else's but mine) so I'm very sorry for harping on you like this, but... CAPITAL LETTERS! PUNCTUATION! QUOTATION MARKS! 0-0! Man, this is a lot even for me!! Well, I love your fic, and please, keep writing!

hmm punctuation would've been nice coz it'd be easier to tell who said who, etc.

But iwas able to follow. it's sweet :-D

I live this...you have very beautiful words here. Excellent descriptions, haunting metaphors. It's beautiful!

This has to be one of my top three favorite Narnia fics out there : ) Beautifully done!

Wow, this was really good, the words just...flowed together like water. Again I say wow

Wow, it was really refreshing to read something so different. I think the tones from the movie are different than those of the books (like Peter and Edmund's relationship, and how Susan didn't have much to do), but you caught on to some of the movie's themes. Personally, I don't have an opinion one way or the other when it comes to Peter/Edmund pairings--I could take it or leave it. But I liked how you tried to explore each person, and you got me thinking and considering their characters from a different perspective (and that's hard!). Just the right amount of angst without having to roll my eyes.

OH MY GOD...this is, in a word, Beautiful. I love the lack of punctuation. It adds an unexpectedly rythmic feel to the whole thing, and i just cant tell how how much i love this. Its amazing how you can find yaoi in EVERYTHING! and not only that, make it...beautiful. Thats the only way to really describe it. You have always been one of my favorite authors, but this is the topping on the cake. Here here, darling, and dont stop writting. *adds to favorites*
Your loyal Moonshine

wow... did lucy and Mr Tumnus... ?