It's great~ 8D It'd be so sad if you didn't continue this story. D:
Please update it as soon as you can. x3 It's going wonderfully~

Hunter lover here...
hey good job with the kurapica vs OC!!
I've always wanted to write one...but was worried that it would be too corny!!
Yours isn't though!

hey cool story... btw im SIERRA well that was ma nick before i created an account. still reading your story, i love it


YOUR LOYAL READER(cheezy)

this fan fiction is awsome it is the best fiction i have ever read... the story is perfect the grammer is acceptable and i can tell that you have a perfect imagination hope to see more..

is there going to be a sequeal, or is it continuing on?
I never knew irumi can break down and cry.. then again, I feel sorry for him, being the oldest and have no love recieved from his parents. -sniffles in corner-

sniff... im gonna miss this fic! wah!

Look. In truth Nachiru/Miyo has great personality. But isn't the mary-sueness going overboard? So far i have a list that tell me what kind of sue she is:

Sibling-sue
Kurata-sue
know-it-sue
fix-it-sue
better-than-most-sue
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And I can't help but notice, Nachiru often say thing that other characters should have already. How can you be that selfish to steal the real author's ideas so your character can have credit for it? Are you that disrespectful?

Well atleast you didn't display any mary-sueness. A cookie for you.

Must I label her every chapter? i'll wait then.

Another mary-sue trait? Gosh. Can't stop can't you?
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This "Miyu," whom I suspect is Nachiru, is another mary-sue with three or four traits. The fact that "Miyu" has better ears than Gon proves that.
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In this chapter, I figured out the purpose of your sue in this chapter. Meaning, "Miyu's" goal in this chapter is to show how absolutely better she is than Gon or anybody else in that matter. (note that I'm rolling my eyes)
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Oh yeah, I would like to tell you the purpose of "Nachiru" in the last chapter(1). SHe is only there to tell the readers how Killua can't live without her. How disgustingly Typical.

Hi~
I could have read to chapter eighteen, but I find that hard to resist. Besides, I might forget something. (Warning: merciless constructive critism)
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In the fanfiction world, Mary-sues are made-up characters that is exxagerated or designed to clamor for attention to point being TOO special. There are many kinds, Which in this case, "Nachiru" is a Zoldick/Kuruta/ fix-it sue. Which of course, are the combination people hate the most. most people.
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It is already proven that "Nachiru" is Zoldick and also a Kurata. But you don't know fix it sues. Just go find an author named "Yomi" and there is a link in his profile where it leads to a list of mary-sue.
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Also, Illumi's characterzation (Please note that i'm trying hard not to flame you), is just too OOC for my taste. Gosh dangit! Will you kindly clarify why Illumi would (twitch) rape your OC. No, not his feelings in this fanfict, but how you, the author, made Illumi OOC. Out of all the OOCs in this world, Illumi's I hate the most.
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Also, When I read your "Nachiru" can't succeed the family, because she isn't the daughter of Killua's mother? In my opinion, it doesn't matter. As long as "Nachiru" is a daughter of Silluva(Not Kikyo)she can still manage.
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Also, cross reproduction tells me the probability of Your OC getting white hair is low. I have noticed that most siblings have dark/brown hair, which automatically made me think that it's the dominant trait. So, the only way for "Nachiru" to have white hair, is that both parents must have a reccessive gene(White hair), which proves that Kikyou CAN be a mother of Nachiru instead of Silluva. And thus, "Nachiru" being Silluva's daughter is inconclusive.
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Have a nice day,
~Some author

Yay your back! I missed ya *hugs* Hope the other stories will be as awesome as the other! Good luck!

oh... ilove your story...!


i hope you continue it up to the auction... and then illumi will meet someone there... and so do kuroro... well.. i don't know what im saying... its still up to you...!


waiting for the nxt...

I remember when this had one chapter. ;-; It was such a tiny little bud, and now it is a beautiful flower. It was a sweet story, one of the better characterXoc fanfics I've read. Possibly the best.

And it's no problem. I like to give feed back, especially when I like something.

Good luck with your other stories! n.n

~ Panwolf ~

hey love ur story...its soo cool...nachiru seems really cool nad Illumi just seems not illumi like..but its great