   DaydreamerGal
2008-06-06 . chapter 1People would only notice me if they needed something from me, but when they didn't... it was as if I didn't even exist. I wasn't invisible in the manner that no one could see me, but rather a person's gaze would slide over me.
(That's deep. I love it.)
(Oh, yeah. Be prepared for a long review. ^^)
I was sick of people speaking so happily. Speaking as if there isn't a worry in the world.
(Aww, is little Hinata depressed? -sniffsniff-)
But no one realized that worry is a sign that they actually care.
(Aww, that makes me want to cry . . . -cries-)
They didn't know me. Then again they never tried.
(This makes me feel more sympathy for Hinata. Very well written; anyone could relate to what you have been describing the entire story so far. ^^)
But like the first time, he broke it. "Here again? I'm quite sure it isn't your turn," he spoke arrogantly.
And like the first time, I shrugged and chose not to answer and we fell back into another lapse of silence that lasted until we changed shifts. Again I muttered a farewell and left, to catch a couple hours of sleep.
Again no one seemed to notice.
(Sasuke seems really in-character, and so does Hinata in the setting you put her in. It is all so believable. Kudos. :P)
If she was annoyed she didn't say anything but instead left me to my own business.
(That's sweet of her. ^^ Although I've never met Hanabi in the anime or the manga, she seems real by how you describe her. A good author can make a character believable (in a fanfiction) even if the reader has never heard or seen of the character. I adore your writing style! :D)
He turned directly away, placing his hands into his pockets as he did so. "She reckons I need more ambitions in life," he said monotonously.
(-laughs- Oh, that is SO Sasuke. Pfft. -smiles-)
The conversation ended there.
(I wonder how long this is gonna last . . .)
Her brown eyes narrowed as she observed me for a moment before she uttered two words.
Uchiha. Sasuke.
I was to work with him?
Strange. Usually my missions were with some person that I had worked with before.
"Is there a problem?" Tsunade asked slowly, as if I was questioning her authority.
My eyes fell downcast as I mumbled a no.
(Again I'll mention it: I adore your writing style. It's so simple, and clean, and . . . perfect! I like how you keep things short and to the point. Makes me happy to know there is a good author amongst the thousands who call themselves "authors" and post fics that insult the English Language. )
((I feel that this is going to be a rather long review . . . I wonder if I'll even be able to post it without losing any content, like Confessions-of-a-secret-love did . . . -ponders-))
"No. She merely informed me that I was to be working with a Hyuga. On such a mission like this, I assumed it to be Hyuga Neji-san," he answered sharply.
(There he goes, assumming just like everyone else.)
"Found him," I said, allowing the slightest bit of glee to slip into my voice.
(Heh. You go, Hinata!)
"I heard you and Sasuke-san went on a mission together," TenTen said, whilst she was waiting for Neji to come out.
(Oh!! Plot twist! This can't be good . . .)
"But you got to admit that he is cute," TenTen insisted.
"Who is cute?" a masculine voice questioned.
TenTen looked surprised at Neji's sudden appearance. "No one," she insisted, dragging him out of the room, winking at me over my cousin's shoulders.
(Haha! I love it! Neji was there at JUST the right time!)
"But you got to admit that he is cute," TenTen insisted.
"Who is cute?" a masculine voice questioned.
TenTen looked surprised at Neji's sudden appearance. "No one," she insisted, dragging him out of the room, winking at me over my cousin's shoulders.
(Haha! I love it! Neji was JUST in time!)
Get too close to the sun and you will only burn.
(That's GENIUS, Demeterr. GENIUS.)
Although he wasn't warm, he was anything but.
We continued the rest of the night in silence. This was no carefree silence, but instead now it felt as if the air was pressing down all around me and attempting to subtly suffocate me.
(I LOVE the description, there, darling. Love it! It creates a vision in the readers mind at just what's going on.)
Did he not know that I could see what he was looking at? Did he not know I already heard about Sakura breaking up with him? Did even he misjudge me?
(Wow. Just . . . Wow. Poor Hinata; I feel bad for her now. T.T)
Her face flushed with anger and it was then that I decided several things. The first was that she did not look as pretty with cold green eyes and a face that matched the colour of her hair. The second being that I didn't like her so much anymore.
(I dunno. I just like this bit. It makes you really think.)
"I honestly thought you weren't the type of person that was a bitch. Obviously I was wrong!" Ino snapped, hands curling into fists.
"Are you going to strike me too?" I asked softly, disappearing as she swung her hand at me.
(Wow. Everything is going badly for Hinata, now. That sucks. But she's taking it really well, like a true shinobi.
. . .
Yeah, I just had to say that. ^^)
"And listen to her shriek on and attempt to throw herself on me?" Sasuke asked dryly. "I'll take my chances asking you."
(As soon as I read this, I started cracking up. Oh, God, this is good . . .)
A frown crossed my face as I turned towards him. "Don't be ridiculous, it's only the rain," I said firmly.
(Was it really the rain, Hinata . . . ?)
An uncertain look crossed her pale eyes before she spoke. "You should be clearing up the rumours that pink haired bitch spread, rather than mastering techniques you already perfected," she said softly.
My eyes widened at the harsh words she used. "Hanabi!" I exclaimed in protest.
(0.o I would have said the exact same thing!)
A determined look crossed her face, "That's what she is, and those people who actually believed her are idiots," she said firmly before leaving the room.
She was only fourteen years old... yet she had more sense than me.
(You go, Hanabi! She seems so real to me now . . .)
A determined look crossed her face, "That's what she is, and those people who actually believed her are idiots," she said firmly before leaving the room.
She was only fourteen years old... yet she had more sense than me.
It was good that at least my sister and my team still believed me. I just wish I could say the same for everyone else... but I know that would just be a lie.
(Aww, poor Hinata . . .)
"Are you sure it isn't the other way around?" I asked harshly.
(Again . . . I cracked up right after reading this . . .)
All they saw was a distorted reflection of who I really was.
(I love it when an author uses the title in her story. It has so much impact, and it feels right.)
I didn't have the presence of power that commanded attention.
(I loved that ENTIRE section. Oh, and I love the way you split the fic into many small sections. It's so original . . . I might have to do that sometime.)
I vaguely heard those words and I felt myself nod before my vision darkened.
(Oh dear . . . -shakes head- This can't be good.)
It was then that I noticed him sitting in a chair opposite me, a scroll in his hands. He looked up and continued to speak. "Apparently its quite common for outsiders that are not used to the heat."
"O-oh..." I said in a soft voice.
(Oh-ho, not when you live in Arizona. It's freaking hot here! One June 22 it reached 122 degrees Fahrenheit. I think 54 or 55 degrees Celcius. Ulgh.)
Damn. I must be delusional for the heat. Forget about that thought. Like I will forgive her for what she did. Unless she actually sincerely asks for forgiveness. But I highly doubt that, she's a very proud person.
(-laughs for a long time- Oh . . . Oh, was that good . . . -laughs more-)
Stupid pride really. But nonetheless... pride.
(One word. Ha.)
"Now Hyuga. I wouldn't be complaining if you wore just one part of the set. Which ever one I don't really mind," he said in a slightly amused tone before he disappeared into his room.
(-dies of laughter-)
He's mentally unstable.
(-shot-)
Perhaps he was right. But that was just a habit of mine.
(Aww.)
((You know, I really noticed that I added the end of every section here. That was definitely planned. ^^)
"Yea... yea well I am truly sorry Hinata," she said solemnly.
(Finally. Some good.)
His eyes narrowed visibly with anger before he turned away from me, walking further along the walls.
Away from me.
(Oh, dear. This can't be good.)
He wasn't here.
Why should I care? I came out here because I could be at peace here.
But it didn't feel the same. Everything looked and seemed the same however. The night was still dark, the only natural light coming from the stars and the half crescent moon. The crickets were still chirping in the background.
But something was different. I didn't feel the sense of calm that I usually did.
Was it because he wasn't here?
Come to think of it, he had been on sentry duty with me most of the time. Was his presence what I liked and not this actual place?
That's a stupid idea. I didn't like him.
I never felt a surge of warmth that I used to feel when I was around Naruto. When I was around him, I felt wary, fearing he would snap... but at the same time I felt understanding and I felt safe.
Maybe it was because he was one of the first people to truly understand me. Maybe I am just thinking too much.
It doesn't matter. I can't like him. He's too different and I don't want to be in a one sided love ever again.
At the end of the day, the only person hurt is the one foolish enough to love.
(Aww . . . -cries self to sleep-)
He glanced at me, red eyes narrowing. "Are you going to be on sentry duty tonight?" he asked sharply.
"I don't think so," I answered.
"Well come won't you? I can't tolerate the others... they are too noisy," he stated.
I looked directly at his eyes, slightly surprised to see the dark markings in his red eyes beginning to spin slowly... was he aware that his sharingan was doing that? "I'll think about it," I said, merely to put him off my back.
He gave a nod and disappeared just as suddenly as he appeared.
(YES, HINATA!! DO IT!! For your life . . . -evil eyes- . . . - -" Umm . . . yeah. XD)
It is even more shameful that I didn't realize it at first.
(Haha. Oh, dear, Sasuke. You've done it again. By saying "again", I have no clue what's being repeated. It was rhetorical: used for style or effect. (Haha, vocab word.))
Duty came first.
(. . . -silence- . . . -more silence-)
"I did not have my bloodline activated and nor did I see his facial features, so I could not gauge whether what he was saying is the truth or a lie," I said calmly.
(One word. Crap.)
Just one more lie to the pile. Just a fresh layer of paint on the mask. I continue to pretend to be something else. I suppose it was easier. To give a fake smile and simply agree.
(I absolutely LOVE the way you describe Hinata. Officially.)
I love how you described Sakura in Hinata's eyes, and I love the feelings growing for Sasuke in Hinata. Everything is well written, and I shall continue to read.
I wasn't really searching for him, because I know I would not be able to find him.
(-dies a little inside- Come on out Sasuke! -wails- I want you to get together with Hinata! -wails some more, then cries-)
I followed Shino.
(. . . That . . . That ENTIRE section was PERFECT. I loved the way it was written, the description, EVERYTHING. But, alas, the story is coming to an end. . . -tear-)
"First of all, I would like to thank you in keeping your silence about the issue to do with him," she began sweetly, her tone turning sour at the last word.
(Haha. -snickers-)
"Oh, but I do not know the full story to this incident so I surely cannot make a decision as it would be biased," I answered calmly.
Tsunade's forehead creased slightly but she dismissed the both of us.
(Haha, Hinata is so sly. I LOVE IT! :P)
I wondered how Sasuke felt. Seeking revenge for his family was his purpose in life. Now that he had done so... he must have felt like there was no purpose in his life.
(Me and my friends joke about that ALL the time. ^^)
I've come to realize it now.
He was truly misunderstood.
Everyone saw a distorted reflection of him.
All they saw was the strong figure he appeared to be. They didn't see beyond that. It was shameful... that I had been mostly blind to it until now.
I of all people should have been looking harder.. because people always judged me as something else... and now I was making the same foolish mistake.
Because he was strong, no one worried about him. Because he acted cold, not many showed true signs of caring. Few spoke to him as an just a normal person.
How long had he been suffering?
How long had I been blind to it?
(Aww. . . . -starts crying uncontrollably- Now they find something in common . . . -sobs- and they are just like each other!! -sobs some more- It's PERFECT! -bawls eyes out-)
"But I'm glad... I'm glad you are alright," I said in my normal soft tone. "I'll tell you something though?" I questioned.
"What's that?" he asked, not unkindly.
"I like coming out here cause you are here... your presence is calming in a way," I admitted, not looking at him.
His arm came around my shoulders. "Same here," he answered calmly, staring off into the darkness.
We would be alright.
.end.
. . .
-silence-
. . .
-more silence-
. . .
-sudden outburst in tears-
Ohmygod, I loved it. EVERYTHING about this story was perfect, as I said before.
This is DEFINITELY going on my faves.
~Jayme-chan
♥ |
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