Nice to see a fanfic for a Dragon Quest game other than DQVI! Good stuff. :D

This was an awesome read for me!
I've always wanted to do something like this...
maybe you should try to novellize the Dragon Quest V: Tenkuu no Hanayome game... it would be amazing... i can already picture it...
"INFERMOST!" Cried out ...(the hero's name) as he ripped Gema (the dude who killed his father Papas) to shreds with his most powerful gale spell!
OH!

oh wow nice novelization for a really good game. however as stated by the other two reviewers I have yet to see any strong character personality. Also the scene where the hero battles the spotted slimes was a tad bit shallow, it would be nice if you did a remake like peptuck's with more description and personalities as well as descriptive battle scenes. Its a very interesting story to read.

hopefully you do a remake, etc. its still a good story. I will try to do an up to date review every 4 or 5 chapters. In any case I hope to see more work on an interesting novelization of a game that sadly never reached the US.

That was a fun read, DQVI is my favorite of the Dragon Quest games. It's nice to read a novelization of it, however.. that is not quite what it was. It was more of a transcribe of events that occured, rather than a novel.

How to put it, it felt like I was reading what happened, but not a story. This happened, that happened, but there was.. nothing really behind it.

I cast sap to lower his defense... It's not really.. much of a story. Still, good job.

Hey Michael,

I was drawn to your story because I found DQVI to have one of the best plots in the entire Dragon Quest series, making it perfect for fanfiction. While I do think you have a good idea, I do have a few suggestions for you:

-I think it would be neat if you would include more emotion (ie: instead of just saying "he said", or "I asked", mention the tone the statement is being said in). Doing so will help the reader follow the story because they can envision the dialog being spoken.

-I also think it would be neat if you would provide some more description and character development. None of the Dragon Quest games I've played (1-6) have characters with a strong personality, which is an advantage fanfiction has. Instead of just following the game dialog and action verbatim, use your imagination to consider possible dialogs/events the game may have not shown. For example, I don't believe the characters would just go to an inn and sleep without a word. Consider what they might say/do that the game could not or did not portray.

These are just the suggestions of a developing writer such as yourself, so feel free to take them as you will. Cheers!

-General Selan