   Iggy - Essence of Angst 2006-04-22 . chapter 1[Also, you can blame this on Iggy, Essence of Angst, both for encouraging to break out of the fluff and for introducing me to FMA]
That's right. Make me take all the blame. And I did not encourage you to break out of the fluff. I just... well, I inquired if you could write something -other- than fluff. Yeah, that's it! :tiptoes away:
You know, I could praise you to the skies and say what a glamorously-perfect fic this was, but I'm not going to. Before you take offence to that, it's not that your fic -wasn't- good. It was indeed thorough and thoughtful just like any other of your usual MS perspective fics. But there are a few things I did not like, and I'll explain why.
[All those years of never feeling human contact, of being treated like a monster instead of a little kid…]
That sentence made me scratch my head. I don't think Al ever felt that he was treated like a monster. (the human contact thing I completely agree with) In fact, many of the places the two visited, people had already heard about them and were in awe of Al at first -because- he was encased in metal. They assumed -he- was the Full Metal Alchemist.
The reason the men on the train shot Al at first glance is because him and his brother were technically intruding on "plans".
[There is nothing illegal in alchemy itself about human transmutation.]
No, but there's a reason it's forbidden. Maybe you've already figured it out, being the analytical person you are PoF-sama, but there is another reason why it's forbidden, and I won't say in case I give you spoilers. (I watched the entire series, but it was months ago. I don't remember the episodes very well.)
[There is no such law of equivalent exchange on the human soul… except one.]
Again, there is no equivalent exchange for the human soul. No exception to the rule. That's part of why it's forbidden. I won't say anymore.
[The soul cannot exist within alchemy because there is no physical aspect to the soul. It does not have a density, or a mass, or a size and therefore nothing on this plane can ever match it. It’s mathematical. Zero times zero is still zero.]
You just nailed it. So why did you put down the "exception" to the law of human transmutation in alchemy?
[Two human souls. If thereone soul one wanted to be exchanged for another, could that be done? Two forms could be exchanged.]
You are good, PoF-sama.
As for that conversation between Ed and Winry, I don't see that happening. You're not wrong to write that. It's just that, based on the series, I believe Ed has more love for his brother than for Winry.
[I know it’s impossible for suits of armor to blush, but I swear that if anyone can make it happen, my little brother can.] The cutest line in the entire fic. I love Al as a suit of armour so much... he's just so damned adorable! Admit it, PoF-sama! He's the cutest suit of armour EVER.
[If I could die for someone I love, for a family member… if I could undo my own mistake and it meant my life, would I call it suicide still? No, I don’t think I would. I’d call it equivalent trade.]
I would not call it equivalent trade. 1) Despite if you do sacrifice your life for someone else, the value of someone cannot be measured by anything. 2) Like you said yourself, a soul cannot be weighed. It does not have a density. It's spiritual, and nothing can equal to that. 3) Everyone is different. You can never really re-create someone from a bunch of chemicals or whatever because of the fact that it's just not the same. The amount, the -worth- of a human soul is more than anyone can ever understand, and it is that which makes it impossible to transmutate in the world of FMA.
Very nice description of Al finally experiencing the joy of being a human being once again. Very realistic and in character. I can imagine that perfectly.
Okay. The ending. You're probably going to reply in defence of your story at this, but I really did not like it. So why am I reviewing? Because you posted it, and I wanted to see how your first FMA fic would be like.
--
[First, marry Winry. It’ll break her heart if you break off the wedding, and you promised to take of her for me.]
WHAT? (See above for further explanation)
[I’m sorry that I could not get your real body back. I’m sorry that I had to trick you into the circle. I just wanted to make everything right. I had my body for two decades.]
PoF... do you really think that would be a good enough excuse for Al to accept what his brother did? (I keep forgetting you haven't seen the end of the series, but still!) By episode 20, you should know that Ed and Al care most about each other. Not about Winry. They do care for her, they grew up with her, but the absolutely first 100 percent person to be concerned about for Ed and Al is each other. Even if Ed did it as a completely selfless act, Al would never truly be happy because of the fact that he won't ever see his brother again for a very long time! He loves his brother beyond anything else.
[You’re not Al anymore. You’re me now. She loves you… and as she admitted to me last night, she loves Al too. Take whatever joy in that you can derive. Both of us love the same woman, Al, and she loves us both back.]
True, but she doesn't quite love Al in the same way. (Not that I think she even loves Ed in that way, but reading the slight fluff didn't kill me, so I'll move on) Al may have grew up with his older sibling with him 24/7, studied and practised alchemy and known his personality, but -- he is not Ed. He can never be Ed. True, it would be easy to ACT as his brother, but he is NOT his brother. Yes, Winry would be happy, but it would not be a real happiness in the physical sense because Al can never fully become his brother. Even twins are not necessarily the exact same, aside from genetics.
[We’ve been together long enough you can fake being me, brother, I know you can.]
Uh... it's not Ed's confidence about the issue that unsettles me. It's the reality of the situation. See above.
[A human body could elicit my heart to passion, while no armor could.]
Nicely said. Being enclosed in a suit of armour for 4 years is basically like detaching yourself from the rest of the world, no matter how close you are to someone because of the incapacity to physically feel anyway. You can't cry, you can't eat, you can't touch. It's there, you're so close, but you can never quite reach out and feel it with your fingers.
--
If I didn't know the definition of a flame, I would think I had just flamed your work. Probably caused you a headache, too. But if you've spoken to Ninalee-chan about my and her debates at all, you know I'm like that. There were some things I quite enjoyed, and others... well, you can probably figure out what I didn't enjoy so much by scanning through the above.
I didn't hate this or anything, if that's what you think. Like I said, I quite enjoyed it. The description was fluent, the characterization was pretty much accurate (although some things were critically noticed due to my having seen the entire series, and you having only seen 20 episodes so far), and it was a nice fic.
Well, I guess that's it. If you want to discuss this review (or use the reply feature), go ahead. If you just want to alert me with a sign that says, "Why did you have to criticize everything I wrote?"... that's fine too. I'll just have to find a way and prove my points using the series.
I'd rather you not yell at me about the review. Then again, I might have deserved it, even if it was my opinion.
So hopefully you don't toss a torch back my way.
~ Iggy ~ |
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