FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination
| FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| Anastashia 2008-01-01 ch 1,  | abuseThat was very nice, haunting. |
| Nevermore 2006-05-05 ch 1, | abuseI'm going to echo pretty much everything Yannk already wrote. But let me stress that while you may approach over-eloquence, I don't see it as anything even resembling a problem. Perhaps it's because I enjoy reading a style I can't manage to write, myself. But I like what you had to say about the character, and I like the way you did it. Very nicely done. |
| bigboom1951 2006-04-27 ch 1, | abuseGreat start ! I hope to see more soon... |
| laurie31 2006-04-21 ch 1, | abuseVery poignant. I love your writing, it's like a tapestry. |
| Tracyj23 2006-04-21 ch 1, | abuseI thought it was absolutely perfectly written. It was eloquent as Yannik said, but beautifully so. The words managed to describe the quiet, almost death-like atmosphere of the bay, and the words you used to describe Lee's inner turmoil made me feel as though I could feel it myself. That was absolutely wonderful - I loved it. |
| JAT.NJ 2006-04-21 ch 1, | abuseI liked this story. It was beautifully written. I could feel Lee's longing for the way things used to be. Thanks for writing it. |
| yannik 2006-04-20 ch 1, | abuseWow. I don't know what to say. It's great. Emotions are balanced, I like that "ring structure" - or whatever it's called (the beginning resembles the ending), and well, the idea with a scar tissue making him unable to take a deep breath is something I didn't come up with! So that's precious. You should watch out for over-eloquence though. Your vocabulary is more and more beautifull, but you're getting dangerously close to tripping the scales. Balance, keep the balance. On the other hand - if you don't go to the other side, how would you know when it's over exaggerated, and when it's not? There is also some lack of smoothness in transitions between the paragraphs, but I choose to think it was premeditated, because it fits very well with the atmosphere of the story. It's a bit of "stream of consciousness" (again - is that the name?), and thoughts are like that - "uncombed". Heh, when I started reviewing it turned out I knew what to say ;). Write more stories like that! |