 Darkwinter999 2009-03-05 . chapter 1Well, kind of short, but today that was good. A little tip for getting reviews--don't ask for them. Too many people are dicks about it, so a lot of readers hit the back button as soon as they see that. Say you want advice, say you are open to criticisms, say you need help on certain areas of writing, but don't ask people to review your fic because it's counterproductive.
I also suggest line breaks after the A/N and before the story, or something else to make it obvious where the A/N ends.
This starts off interesting, and keeps interesting, but just barely. There is no real action. When you read superheroes, you expect some amount of action, but this fic had it all 'off camera'. I'd add some action in there, just enough to make it exciting.
Anything in parentheses either doesn't belong, or can be more effectively worked into the story as regular narration. Parentheses often break up the flow of the story and can even overload a reader.
//“So we’re to fight?”//
Very formal; OOC for Tim Drake. I'd go with "Think you can take me?" if he feels like bating Jason, or "So, we're going to fight." if he's less antsy for fight with a former hero.
//“None of his people were in the area.//
'His' is ambiguous here and missing the end quotes. I'm guessing Batman, but I could easily be wrong.
//Fifteen minutes into the chase, he realized Red Hood seems to be leading him into something. He caught up just as Red Hood landed on a rooftop.//
I'd like more specifics on that chase. You could easily add a lot of gripping action here to get the blood pumping, just in describing how infuriatingly well Red Hood is keeping just out of Robin's grasp.
Oh, and the Robins use birdarangs, at least, they do after leaving him. I don't remember what they use when partnered with Batman.
All in all, a pretty good read. There was almost nothing wrong with your characterizations, your plot, your grammar/spelling/punctuation or even you ability to write. It mostly just needs some action in the chase scene and the drug bust, and this can be really great fic. Good job. |