 MrsHellman 2009-10-30 . chapter 65Hey Kurinoone,
Okay, I finally got the time to read this story -bangs head against screen- I’ve been so busy with finals, test, homework, work, my own stories, betaing, the Naruto fandom and life in general that I’ve barely had time to do anything fun , but . . . well . . . I’ve been writing on my own fictions of course – as I mentioned – because they’ve been my top priority, hehe xD Anyway! I’m here to leave a review, so that’s what you’re going to get! I hope you like long reviews; don’t know though -_-“
I loved reading this story! x3 It contained friendship, romance, love, family and the long, hard, sweaty, painful, opposite-to-enjoyable way for a great relationship within a family xD I’m a weird person, but I simply loved this story! I’ve got to say that I actually have some critique (I love critique, really, because that means that the readers are taking their time reading my story, and then think about it before reviewing :3) to give you, good, bad and constructive, hmm?? So prepare yourself :3 At least I’m giving you a warning, huh?? xD I’ve got a lot of things to say though and I want you to know that nothing is meant to be felonious ;P Sometimes, I ramble and then all of a sudden, there’s this little sentence that’s not supposed to be there you know . . .-_-“
OKAY! It was a good being, the introduction was a bit different – (read the entire paragraph before arching a brow, ‘kay?? This will sound strange xD) it wasn’t from the very beginning with Harry being taken from his family, but it began ‘in the middle of everything’ or how you should put it, it all began with how they felt for their son who wasn’t there. James and Lily have got a second kid ( I freaking LOVE Damien! O.O) and it kind of made all of this more interesting and professional looking ;P (I’ve noticed that you’ve got some years on your back, so you’ve had a lot of time training as well xP) Now you can arch your brows, but there’s an explanation as to why I said the above: we didn’t get to know if Harry died or not in the first chapter, and it made the entire story start in a completely different way, and I like that. It’s as if the first chapter never existed, and you (as a reader) get thrown into a life where a lot of things have happened and you don’t know what. I suck at explaining, sorry -_-“ But . . . well . . . let’s just say that I didn’t feel as if the abduction ever happened . . . or something . . . with other words; you’re one awesome author/authoress.
Something else that was good with the story is that we’ve actually got James and Lily running around all over in the place! xD They bring a certain tension to the matter and the fact that they’re actually alive made me smile so much. I love stories where they are alive, and I’d love you as well if you know some good stories with them as Harry and tell me about them xP I’m pretty new when it comes to the Harry Potter fanfiction reading, so I don’t know that many stories, I’ve read – and known about – the Harry Potter books since I was around eight though ;]
Anyway! Got to evaluate the story now, since you put so much effort into writing this baby (big baby you’ve got O.O) Maybe I should start with the . . . bad things?? O.o Er . . . it’s not exactly something bad you know; your OOCness. Hmm . . . I’m going to give you some personal thoughts concerning this; I really hate OOCness when you can’t write it correctly, give the people a background that’s believable and fits with the story is good, instead of the times when their wicked personalities simply pop out of nowhere because you need a person to act like this and that . . . I hate them so much sometimes . . . it kind of takes away the feeling you get when reading something that’s got to do with Harry Potter (if could be Bleach, Naruto or the Lord of the Rings for all I care, but you get it) Personally I use as few OCs as possible as well as adding OOCness into a story.
BUT! Now to the amazing this about said OOCness; the OOCness you’ve got here fits the story like a glove on your hand, instead of that ** crap I’ve come across out there, and damn . . . do you know how jealous I am?? I want to be able to write this well! :S –tried to gore eyes out- The OOCness I love in this story though; it’s Harry’s personality. (Daimon’s not OOC since he’s your character, but about his personality; **! That little hyper ball disguised as a teenager is running around all over the place and makes my day happier than happiest. I love the man . . . xD) another OOCness I like is Bellatrix’, she’s an amazing character in this story, and it made my heart shatter into a million pieces when she was given the Kiss . . . I was so ** at you for that moment, I nearly sent you a Howler! X_x (Excuse my idiocy xD)
I’m desperately trying to not sound mean here, btw! O.O I hope you understand! –cries- TT_TT I still love the guys, AND their personalities! –begs on knees- But back on track then! Er . . . this may sound strange, but what the heck . . . -_-“
One of the things that bothered me the most; all of the people around Harry (James’ and Lily’s friends, Damien and his friends etc.) could accept the fact that Harry was actually there quite easily. Especially Lily. I know that it’s hard to write emotion after emotion in fictions, and stories in general, but I can see that you’re giving it your best when it comes to writing this story, so I think you can take this :] (I’m not trying to be mean) It’s something that most of the fanfiction here at FFN’s got – they accept things too well, too fast! O.O I know that when you’ve got really, really awesome friends they can accept nearly everything about you and that are friends you should cherish with all of your heart, but this is the fiction world – the Harry Potter world to top it all off – so yeah, things are different . . . :]
Something I most certainly did (and still do) not like, is that Harry fancy Ginny. I can’t stand that couple actually, it made me a bit disappointed when J.K. Rowling decided to let Harry be with Ginny. I’ve got nothing against her, and she’s a great person, but I can see them in a relationship; only as friends, and maybe they can act like a brother and sister. I think there was a ‘HG’ in the summery, and I thought it was Hermione Granger you meant at first, but then I forgot all about it, and then (in the epilogue) I slapped myself mentally for being so stupid. It mean Harry x Ginny –sigh- enough of my rambling now . . .
. . . AND TO THE AWESOME THINGS! xD
You’re simply awesome with grammar, spelling, capitalization, details, descriptions, emotions, keeping the characters quite IC, realistic writing and to keep a good length of the chapters as well as for the story itself :D (Your punctuation ability might need some help though, it’s not much, but I noticed a lot of errors -_-“) I tend to write too much when writing a story, but when I read this, I realised that I rather wrote too little:S Anyway! Something else that I liked was that that it took nearly the entire story for Harry and his family to get together, normally they get together after half the story and then we get to see some of their relationship and how it develops, not ion this story though ;P In this story we get to imagine the continuation of their lives ourselves :D THAT’S SO AWEOSME! -glomp- (haven’t read the sequel yet, so ignore my idiocy, once again xD) OH! And I simply love this whole thing with Harry accepting the Potters as his family etc. and then they got together fifteen years later, it’s something that’s a “only one of its kind” thingy, but I never tend to get tired of surprising and original things in fanfictions, which is pretty good, hehe :D
Something else that I liked was the emotions and the way you kind of built up the tension for the climax xD i.e. the downfall of Voldemort! :3 Speaking of that . . . the specific scene where they figth Voldemort for the last time was really well written, because you didn’t write everything that was going on, like . . . when James managed to penetrate one of the Death Eaters with a charm; it went from James acting and then there was barely even pain, there was nothing like “Oh my God, he’s killing me!?!?” It’s really, really, really hard to explain this, hehe! -_-“ Sorry about that, but what I’m trying to say is that you left some things for the imaginations, and it wasn’t all war, death, blood, magic, this story is only about that, if you understand what I mean?? O.o It’s was kept quite short and concrete.
A lot of stories her on FFN contains mostly blood and death, and sure; it’s cool as hell to read it, but too much is too much X_x Hehe . . . I’m impressed I said that . . . I’m a Harry Potter fan 24/7 and ask for fights all the time – written of course, hehe . . . -_-“
Anyway! My point with this review is to say that I loved it and I’m jealous over your writing skills – I’ve said id before and I can say it a thousand more times if I have to -_-“Oh, and I said I’ve also said before (I think); I can’t bring these kinds of emotions and realistic scenes into my stories, so DAMN! I’m RE~ALLY jealous here . . . –tries to come up with a plan on how to abduct your beautiful mind-
Well! Thank you for an awesome story! Kind of sad that it was so short though, but I’ll live ;P (Yeah, I said SHORT . . . I’ve read storied with about 100 chapters and they’re bloody awesome –drools- =W=) But . . . hehe . . . the sequels . . . –smirks-
Btw, I hate utterly HATE HarryGinny, as I said before, but damn I love this story xD
~mi
PS. You better like long reviews, I've worked my ** off to write this one -.-" |