This makes me wierdly emotional...when I first began to like Erager (3 years ago) this was the first long/good fic I read, and it got me totally hooked. Now I've grown out of my fangirl skin...and...wow...
Thank you for posting and writing, you're amazing and you deserve more credit then this.
*sniff*

That is so sad, I couldn't stop reading it. This is what our lives are like, huh? Power corrupts, and absolute power, corrupts absolutely. So quietly and perfectly that yo don't even know it, until it is too late.

WOW...
this
is
LONG!
along with uterly amazing!

This is one of the best stories in existance on Fanfiction

WOW! You just shot Paolini out of the water, into the upper atmosphere, and burning back down to Earth!

That was so good that it took me [this really happened, honestly] over 5 seconds to remember the name of the main character of Paolini's books, and even the book titles themselves.

Your Galbatorix, compared to Paolini's, is quite simply beyond his league. Way beyond. In the Eragon books, you simply *know* that Galbatorix will be mean, ugly, mad, never wear a thing but black, chuckle evilly, and be pure, 100% evil. And his war against the riders would have had absolutely no justification whatsoever. Yours however... well if people can't tell the difference, I hope they never procreate.

[By the way, is Paolini a wannabe Sith? "Only the Sith deal in absolutes" after all. His Galbatorix sure is absolutely evil, no doubt about it. And absolutely the opposite for Gary St..., I mean Eragon. And absolutly boring. Ahh, the horrors of an author's parents owning a publishing company...]

I'm not saying that this is a perfect story. No indeed. However, with a few slight changes - formatting, unimportant topics, spelling, nitpickery and etc. - it could be even more wonderful than it is already. And it already is better than the books could ever be.

So in conclusion, my hat comes off to you, sir! Or Ma'am. And I have to go get my hat from my drawer. But anyways, you have gained a earnest fan, and I'm going over to read your sequel now. Please keep writing, for you have an obvious gift for it. Farewell.

And for all you that are reading these reviews to determine whether or not you should read this story... Do it. Do it now.

It will make you ashamed your eyes touched the books.

- Nefar

I happened to chance upon this story from a link, and I must admit that it was very very good. I like the way you reconstructed the story of Galbatorix from Paolini had given us, because it's a very unique take on the story, and you truly build a very humane character, whom a reader can easily sympathise with, as he struggles and matures.

The ending is very sad, although I guess it's actually somewhat hopeful, as if he's emerging from madness that he has plunged into. I like the way you humanised Galbatorix, since Paolini does very black and white characters, and your writing is smooth and fluent, and your surprises and cliffhangers are really entrancing.

I'd like to mention though, that in the development of Galbatorix, you have, to a lesser extent than Paolini, also shown Elves as purely arrogant and evil. Perhaps it might be good if you showed us precisely how humane they could be too? Otherwise, this is the only rather minor flaw I can see in a masterpiece. Keep up the brilliant fic!

(And might I beg for a sequel?)

Regards,

-Dante Inferno

Im not sure if ur ever going to read this seeing is how the story is already complete, but since i enjoyed this story so much im going to review anyhow!

This is, by far, the BEST fanfiction on the sight! Im so glad that dreamingirlhoo(SP) mentioned this story in her review to my fanfiction, which even though has basicaly the same idea behind it, is horrible compaired to this. Also my Galbatorix will be evil when its all said and done.

Your story completely changed my pov of Galby. I was totaly and fully entranced by your story and could hardly pull myself away to eat.

You are a grand writer and facinating storyteller. The characters in the story as so completely believeable that its amazing. You changed the book to fit your plot, but didn't change it beyond belief or recognition.

I hope you read this so you know you have at least one faithful fan.

The deathhand

This Story made me actually think of Galbatorix as a better peron than I thought he was

Wow. That was a truly amazing story. It took me two or three days to finish it, but that's how I like it to be. I laughed, I even cried some. When I read each chapter, I felt as if I were there. It was awesome. I am going to send a link to your story to my sister. You are such a great writer! Thank you for taking your time to write this! (Maybe you can make a sequel, no?) Thanks again...

Aww... it's a (semi-)happy ending! Of course, everyone in Ellesmera hates him and wants him dead and he's all alone in Uru'baen, all by himself. But still, Galby did sort of find his "Inner Arren".

How long will this story continue? It seems that everything's already been done... but it doesn't say Complete, so there must be something else, yes?

~dream

I have one word for you:

AMAZING!

wow, you're a really good writer! well done on the whole series! i hope this isn't the last chapter! your characters are beautifully developed, and its kept me hooked throughout! hope you write more!

I can tell you clearly right now: This is the most awesome fanfiction story I have ever encountered, and it beats most published stories I have read as well. I cannot describe how much I love this: the writing is incredible, the descriptions perfect, the dragons just wonderful. All your characters are in-character, believable, and none are Mary-Sues. I just can't believe how well you've written this! Galbatorix is so believable, so great, so completely lovable (XD!). You really made me feel his emotions and understand everything that was going on. You have so many people interacting without restricting it to three or so going on a great adventure. Your OCs are great without seeming like OCs at all.

This story is so huge that I'm not sure I can fit everything I love about it into one review. The trials in the beginning of the story really endeared me to Galbatorix. They were very original and well-thought-out too, covering most of the basic things Riders have to learn. I loved the idea of the 'compassion' test. I've never thought about such things before. Galbatorix is so innocent in the beginning that it really makes me hurt when I see his downfall. You've portrayed the Southern elves and Vrael just perfectly. I can see them all doing exactly what you wrote them doing. The agony of losing a dragon is portrayed so vividly that I cried. When Galbatorix was with the dark elves I could see them right before my eyes and picture the background and characters very clearly.

There were some delicious moments of emotion too. I enjoyed the scene with Elric and Galbatorix. Elric's fear was beautifully portrayed. His moaning and repeated "oh gods!" drew me into the story. When Brom poisoned Galbatorix and was then caught, I was poised over the computer screen eagerly reading each word. It was your poignant description of his helplessness and defencelessness that I enjoyed. He could have been killed any time and I enjoyed knowing the Galbatorix had Brom's life in his hands. Please don't stare at me strangely; I thrive on fear and power. If I ever became extremely powerful, I would get corrupted immediately. :P Just the way I think. I -love- those situations.

I find it very interesting that you chose normal people to be the Forsworn. They weren't all nobles or especially powerful, like some stories here would have me think. Lesbians, religious people, apprentices, and some other completely ordinaries. I think your way of handling your writing and your characters is what makes this story so believable. Instead of making them Galbatorix uberly powerful, you've had him captured and hurt plenty of times. During his flogging when he was captured by the Elders, I appreciated his 'complete lack of resistance' toward the end. Unlike other hero stories (and I've read plenty!), the heroes all resist strongly until the end, snarling death threats and refusing to scream. Galbatorix here has vulnerabilites, has aches and pains, and despite that fact that he has a great and dark lineage and POWRES, is still quite human. Defeatable. Your story is realistic and I enjoyed it very much.

Laela's death hurt me so badly, I cried. The description of her bleached bones in the snow, gnawed on my wolves, really gave me a shock. It was very saddening and shivery to realize that she had been eaten by wolves. A cliched story might have the wolves respecting her dead body, but this is right down in the dirt and I love it.

The swordfights were believable. (Am I using the word believable too many times? I can't help it!) Instead of vague descriptions about 'their swords going fast as light', like the iffy descriptions in the real books, I am very satisfied with Galbatorix's prowess. He isn't just 'with a natural talent and amazing abilites'. He worked for it, and it was you showing him earning his talents.

I just love this story. It is too beautiful, too wondrous, too awesome to really sum up. I love your characterization of the Forsworn. I love Galbatorix. I love Morzan. I love Brom. I love Laela. I love Shruikan. And I hated Vrael. :D

From now on - to echo another reviewer of yours - I shall not wait on Christopher Paolini to turn out the third book. If you post another ten chapters the day it comes out, I assure you I will be reading this story, not the third book. If you turned out twenty-five chapters like you just did, I would read it and drift in a sleepy, exuberant, and lovestruck haze and probably never remember the third book. I wait on you.

And actually, your story has convinced me that Galbatorix is good. *sweatdrop* I have this feeling I shall be cheering for Mr. Great King throughout the whole climaxing fight of the third book and weep bitterly when he is dead. I CRIED when he died in your other story and was miserable for the rest of the day, yet strangely satisfied with the closing of your series. This serie has become canon onto me. If CP dares insult Galbatorix in the third book, I shall shout "ALL LIES! LIES! LIES!" and be firmly close-minded against his trecherous dealings. >.> .> Hee. I laugh nervously.

My last word is probably something you've heard before: Please write more! I'm not sure that chapter 60 is the end of this story. If it is, it is one sad story and I'll love it anyway. I know that Galbatorix is dead in your other story, but if you write any more about it, I shall worship you. Truly.

...

In a nutshell: ME *heart* GALBATORIX AND YOU.

This story is completely awesome. Right now, I'm only on 38, but I am absolutely in love. Long, but so totally worth it!

I do have a couple issues, though. For one thing, some of those paragraphs are utter monsters, especially the one near the top of 38, where he was giving his speech against the elves. I loved that speech - he *is* supposed to be a great speaker, and you captured that - but it was one humongous block of text, and that makes it very hard to read. I noticed several incidents of ginormous paragraphs.

Another thing is, if that Ra'zac had eggs, wouldn't she be a Lethrblaka, not a Ra'zac? The Ra'zac are the maturing children of the Lethrblaka. I would think it would be the Lethrblaka, not the Ra'zac, that would lay eggs. Of course, I don't know this for sure, but yeah.

And isn't Rider supposed to be capitalized? You don't, but I've seen it capitalized and not. I'm not exactly sure, but you might want to double-check that.

I do love the interaction and just your characters in general (aside from Kaelyn, for some reason I just really don't like her. She's probably your only pitfall in this story). I especially adore Morzan's character, and Galbatorix's rocks out loud. This story is just great on characters. They really seem real. You get my full appreciation and applause for this wonderful story full of wonderful characters! I especially liked in chapter 38, toward the bottom where they were all heckling Galbatorix about his "mysterious" lover. I just loved that part, and Morzan's tasteless comments, believe it or not. Despite the fact that I am, in fact, a girl. But still, marvelous.

One thing I'd like to see is non-Riders joining the Forsworn. Now, mind, you may have already done this, and I don't know, because I'm only on 38, but if you haven't, yeah.

This story is seriously so wonderful that I would reccommend that Paolini use it in a second. The only problem is that I don't think he'd like you dragging his oh-so-precious elves through he mud so much. He does love those stupid elves! I adore how you portray them as cruel puppeteers in this story. Just another gorgeous element of it.

Anyway, that's pretty much all I can think to rave about now. I'm off to the next bunch of chapters. Sheesh, you do just update a whole bunch right at once, don'tcha? Well, I'm definitely enjoying it! Can't wait for more!

Incredible Story.
In my opinion, this backstory for Galbatorix is far better than anything Paolini could have come up with, And I honestly see it as a pity that so few people have read a story as excellent as this one.
I see story's in which the dialouge seems strained, where the grammer is horrible, and the misspell the names of the main characters, but your story lacks such obvious faults.
You are an excellent writer, and I am defintley looking forward to reading more from you.