I really really like your story. This story has got all the very interesting traits one looks for in a fanfiction. Agreat pity you haven't updated this fanfic in...7 straight months. That is really disappointing. If you want help or tips, read the story titled: "Ranma, the second time around", "Into the abyss" and Krista Perry's masterpiece whose name I have forgotten. Hope you update EVERY FANFIC! PLEASE UPDATE AND GOD BLESS!

Hm...he probably tortured them until they begged for death, and then tortured them some more just for the fun of it, until they were so incoherent from the pain to beg. He doesn't strike me as the type that likes being called "sappy"

Well one thing you can do Shampoo can feel a little jealous since the attention that she has come to expect from mousse starts being directed toward Ukyo.

You have the solid base of a light Dramady/MST fiction here. You don't have the random humor that you might find in say Excel Saga, but you do have an enjoyable read all the same.

I don't think I can be much help on humor or romance.

I do like the MSTing.

okay the best ways of making humour is to take examples from the original ranma series of what has happened to ranma and apply them to mousse.
walking in on ukyou, and ukyou walking in on mousse.
one of them tripping and falling on to the other, maybe accidently kissing.
stuff like that can be both humorouse and lead to romantic things.

not very good at romance my self, but depending on where in the cannon timline this ukyou/mousse universe is. (saffron, herb, ghost cat, kodachi, stupid ghost boy..er gos something or other, etc...)something could happen or spill over from one of ranmas fights that makes mousse and/or ukyou reconize they care for each other which would later turn into love after some sappyness...

Heh great chapter.

As for Comdey and romance hehehe, not sure what I coudl suggest.

Well there is this...Say they are attacked by a demon one that Hoppsai accidently summoned was too strong and everyone is fightinfg it.
Ukyo get's hurt and Mousse enraged unleashes his streght, dancing thru it slashing with such grace and skill, Everyone is is stun.
Ukyo wakes up and sees Mousse at hsi strongest defending his airen.

Constructive criticism. At the end Blight said "You have no idea how fortunate 'you are you’re' a Me;" you don't need the first you are. I can't give you any suggestions on how to make this better. It isn't extremely humorous but it's interesting enough to keep me wanting more. And I have to say your setting yourself up pretty well in the romance department. It's very hard to write humor/romance and I think that the only one who has gotten it right so far is Takahashi san.

Ah, the good old Non-Canonical Matchups of Ross TenEyck. One of the stories I have archived permanently on my computer. So far, this one is giving me a similarly good vibe.

Here's a link I'll pass along to you, which might or might not serve as a source for relation inspiration:
derekloffin(dot)anifics(dot)com(slash)moandsh(dot)htm
Wade goes into an analysis of what each major character in Ranma 1/2 needs in and brings to a relationship, and since he pegged Ukyo as the best choice for Mousse I thought you might be interested in seeing it.

And since you said you wanted ideas, I'll toss out a couple for you to work with. One thing that's almost never been done (I've only seen it hinted at a couple of times, never outright used) is an Akane-Tofu matchup. And one that's never, ever been done at all (to the best of my knowledge) is Kodachi-Tofu. Either one of these would seem to fit your Twizted bill quite nicely. ^_^

I saw it coming a mile away, but I still had to laugh at the end.

There was too humor. Just the concept of Mousse having to marry Ukyo is better than anything this pathertic wannabe writer can come up with. And if I'm not mistaken the last couple of lines are a grade a joke. Please stop being so ** yourself. Unless that's what causes you to write so well in which case... I agree you suck cookies up your nose and blow chunks ahoy simultaniously. Toldya I sucked at jokes.

What do you mean 'no humour'?! I'll have you know that I cracked up laughing at the end of this chapter! Anyhow, keep up the good work, you have something really interesting going on with this sidestory.

Hey , as you said you must start somewhere.
It could easily work out as one thing BOTH are is devoted.
And once it is explained , if necessary , they'll try to work things out.

Also a Mu Tsu that gets treated as human will probably latch onto her for real rather than for law.
She is also very kind and considerate of others when not enraged anyway and this would also act to help them along as she would start out helping Mu Tsu with his problems out of kindness and things would go from there.
He's also rather on the handsom side as well , and unlike Konatsu doesn't dress to distract Ukyuo from that.

In anycase congrats on this and hope to be seeing more soon.

Derek The Rogue

Hehe, wo ai ni meant my beloved HUSBAND, so ya might wanna look up a different phrase there.