This is a cute story and give your beta a hug because the grammar is amazing!

Go through and fix the punctuation.

Which one is Jess, Melinda, and Jackie? You didn't attach their mentioned appearances to names in the beginning.

There's too much dialog and it's annoying to read. Add a lot, lot more detail in. What the the scenery look like? Describe some character mannerisms and actions...

This is a really rough start. Be careful of self-inserts (your friend included). If you and your friend are working together, both of you can go over this, fix the punctuation, add in more detail, and add some and add some more character to your OCs and this chapter.

hello,

gotta say i am enjoying the story... i like the interaction between the 5 girls!

I really can't wait to read what happens at the ball!

:D

I was wondering when you're going to update?

Excellent chapter. I said i would read it and i have, much to my own satisfaction. very compelling i am awaiting patiently for the next chapter of thrilling events.

i love it!

loved this chapter please update soon

i love it!

What stories was was Jackie telling about me! I must get her back in a later chapter...(hint)
thanks for the great chapter! trust Mel to curtsy like a queen!
keep up the excellent work, looking forward to reading a whole lot more!

Okay guys, great chapter! just love the little random story ficlet at the end, funny and wiered!
looking forward to the next chapter!

i love it!

i love it!

"I'm nobody's damn hostage!" Haha! You tell 'em, Jess! Ah, good stuff...

M, cookie... ^_^

Another excellent chapter. Hmm, Legolas, something is going on there...maybe he could, i don't know, be caught in an awkward sitution with a certain elfling (cough , Mel...)
Looking forward to the next one already!
(Do i get a cookie for reviewing?)

i love it!