There is no way this is only your first story. You're a really good writer. 9/10

wow it seemss interesting.

Ha ha ha ha ha...very funny Lauren. CPR? I doubt Junior remembers anything from health class last year, much less enough about CPR to save Peggy. Ninjutsu? Martial arts? Look where that got you...in a cast! I think maybe you should just stick to tennis. Oh, so that's where "Isuzu" came from. I've always wondered. Well, it's very...interesting...to say the least. Good job.

yeah, i got throught the first paragragh of 'long black hair' and shot myself. i've reassembled my ashes just so i can come back and tell you it sucked.
a) do not be repetetive. all the charecters looked the same, as far as i could tell. don't use an adjective more than once in a paragraph, especially if it's a really good word.
b) the way you wrote it bothered me. has your english class learned how to write dialogue yet? you hit enter and tab every time someone new starts talking, and you don't have to put spaces in between the paragraghs, you know what i mean? it hurt my head to read it.
sorry if this was harsh, but you've got my permission to critique my work if you ever get bored.

keep working at it
fabeceous sparkplug

Very Funny! Lol! Cuddly Heartless! HaHAhahahah

you passed... on humor XD
"Shiny" hahahahahah oh gosh

-N.Mits the cat child of light.

nice more {I hope Sora will be in the story}