Hey ! It is a pretty good chapter but you should't rush it so much. Hope you post the next chapter soon and good job !

Thanks for taking my advice.

Now that that's done with, your plot really is going a bit fast. Maybe if you lengthened your chapter a little, add a bit more descriptions and apply the wonderful "show, don't tell" rule, it'd be "prettier" to read. Other than that, I believe you are a very creative person and can really make this story beautiful if you tried. Keep writing!

Good chapter and it wasnt that fast but in the next one you might what to explain how Raphael got there and everything. Very good first chapter.

Good beginning... But, it moves too fast. And maybe try showing us things instead of telling us. (i.e. instead of "It turns out that the creepy/mysterious voice was Astaroth…" use something like "She turns towards the source of the creepy voice only to see an old foe she thought beaten: Astaroth.")

Hope this helps! _ Fiona

This would be a wonderful beginning...if it was deeper. It was also much too fast. Things don't happen that fast in the real world.

However, good start.

could you put more chapters in the story My Dearest