   Ganheim
2009-11-10 . chapter 3Prologue
for a minimal of two months
[minimum?]
since Genma was too stupid to remember his wife’s original clan.
[I know Genma’s a frequent punching bag, but that seems too much. She might never have told him, or lied to him, but for him to have forgotten something extremely important seems too unlikely to me]
a descent night’s sleep
[decent]
as the eventually
[they]
Chapter 1
such as what Ms. Shampoo did,” stated Nodoka.
[What about Kodachi? Shampoo only actually used such tricks three times, Kodachi’s used poisons to try to steal Ranma virtually every time she shows up]
Chapter 2
didn’t make since for
[sense?]
To someone like Nabiki who prided herself on mental discipline and control, this was a very bad thing.
[And yet absolutely everybody seems to be doing nothing. Wouldn’t somebody have at least been sent to check on her after retrieving Ranma?]
After all, any human is just as capable of great kindness as they are of great horror.
[Humans have the capacity for kindness, but not the predilection. History pretty clearly says what human nature is filled with: greed and avarice]
Cologne merely shook her head, spotting the problem in the Tendo girl’s aura over a month ago.
[And yet nobody’s even placed a phone call to have it taken care of. I can understand this going forgotten for a few days, but over a month no. This isn’t just a failure of Cologne, it’s also Nodoka, Genma, and Soun and the last one I doubt would just sit there as his daughter acted more and more weirdly]
“Oh, but you believe wishing swords, cursed swords, phoenix eggs, Chinese Amazons, and the like,” added Ukyo.
“That is different,” said Kuno.
[Funny, but there are two Kunos in the room. Which one speaks here?]
“No date, Ranma is Shampoo’s husband, is Amazon Law.”
[It’s obvious that she wants to marry Ranma, but she cannot possibly be this stupid under the circumstances – at the very least she would’ve been given coaching from Cologne, who knows better. Kodachi I can more understand being this haughty, as she has no authority figure to tell her right action that she would ever pay attention to]
many their will be.”
[there]
only to receive the flat of Nodoka’s sword
[Possible, but wouldn’t the scabbard be easier?]
even Saffron will think he got off easy compared to what I will do to you, is that understood?”
[OOC]
Ranma however, just laid there.
[OOC: Ranma panics and makes ineffectual attempts to extricate himself from similar situations whenever Shampoo glomps him]
I’m not against crossovers, but I sense that despite the presence of largely Ranma characters I feel the story has been wholly consumed by this other series that I’m not familiar with – worse, everybody’s acting OOC and it’s more like OCs with canon names are marching around. I can accept that Ranma would change, though my lack of familiarity with “La Blue Girl” doesn’t help that I still think he’s not acting like Ranma at all – one of the most central conflicts in Ranma ½ is that he has a strong sense of connubial loyalty even if he doesn’t know how to properly express it or perhaps hasn’t chosen a ‘wife’ yet, and this set-up which points to him simply having sex with every female he comes across obliterates the core of the conflict and cheapens the cast. More than that is that everybody else seems to be thrown into shallow gags and bursts of violence that would only be funny if it was brief events instead of seeming to be the standard. The fact that sex is referred to practically as a comic device instead of something potentially serious (in every single instance) also hurts the plot and characterizations. |
 Servant of K-sama
2008-10-09 . chapter 5 Nabiki should be a bit more careful about what she says around Fubuki, I mean, I know the girl isn't evi...as evil anymore, but she used to rape her teachers on a daily basis, what would she do to her students? |
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