Reviews for The War for Pern

Reviews For: The War for Pern

Typhon 2008-05-25 ch 6, anon.	abuseWell, good story. Maybe needs a little tweaking. But, you genuinley made me hate that Admiral, and feel worried about the Pernese, and a good story should make someone feel something, so congrats for that. I am rooting for the Pernese all the way! It was about time someone wrote an "Earth meets Pern" fic. Go Pern!
RSegovia 2006-08-13 ch 6,	abuseThis is a very cool idea for a story. I like the concept of other humans in the galaxy coming back to Pern and seeing what has become of it (My Pern story also uses this concept, if I can ever get it written to my satisfaction). But why and when did Aivas send out this information? It doesn't seem like something he'd do, especially since he went to all the trouble to make the Pernese self-sufficient, which was the original goal of the colony. They weren't supposed to contact the FSP unless the colony was on the verge of complete failure, which is why everyone got so mad at Ted Tubberman in Dawn. And your timeline seems to suggest that Aivas sent this message after Skies (the Western Weyr already being fully established), which is impossible since he had already shut himself down. I strongly object to Aivas sending this message, and I'd rather have the "earthens" (don't you mean Earthlings? ;) Anne calls them Terrans, by the way) find out about dragons and Pern by scouting and observation. Their motives and reasoning aren't fully fleshed out, so I hope you intend to explain in more detail later in the story. Also, your narrative style needs some work. It's seriously lacking in dialogue and characterization, and the first few chapters read more like a history book than a fun fiction story. I know from experience how hard it is to balance dialogue and description, and to maintain a good pacing and flow. With all of the original characters (shouldn't there be someone left from Weyrs and Skies, at least? Maybe K'van or other younger dragonriders, who would now be among the older generation?), it's a bit disorienting. I don't really like to have a bunch of new characters just thrown in my face all at once; it's better to introduce them one by one and add more detail gradually. You're on the right track with Cerlia, and I hope you flesh out her character more. I would also like to see more holders and craftspeople-- maybe some of Jaxom or Menolly's kids? Well, I'm sure you're surprised to see such a long review. I do want to thank you for writing, and good luck with the rest of this story.
Vienna 2006-06-25 ch 6, anon.	abuseWow...That's all that I can say...wow...Your story is amazing! Extremely well written AND plausible! I know that I'll be following it as it progresses! The only thing that I have a problem with is Kitsuneko's first critque...First off, it did say exactly WHY people from Earth returned to Pern--not to save or conquer, but to take their dragons so that they could be used as weapons against a people with whom war was about to break out! With the fact that Earth's dragons being unable to teleport, that only increases the uses of them as weapons. Also, when it comes to the Western Continent, it does mention it specifically in the books, although as of yet I do not think that they have had anything major occur there in the series itself. But perhaps the sailors DID discover it, but kept away from it for thousands of turns as they did the Southern Continent after the outbreak of the plague...? Also, it could be possible to create dragons from information alone--you just don't really know what technology we will have! After all, if they mentioned F'lar and Lessa, that means that it is around 2500 on Pern--which would place Earth's time to be A.D. 40-50...That's a sharding long time from now! =D Finally, I think that the demands of the Earth riders made plenty of sense. There have been numerous times in history where people claim land as their own and demand the others bend to the settler's will--just look at the Trail of Tears in America. It's human nature and, as we know, history is simply doomed to repeat itself if you don't learn from it. As to their demand that they leave their dragons...well, I would assume that the Earth riders' bonds with their dragons must be substantially weaker than the Perneses' because the Admiral did not believe the Weyrwoman when they said that they would die without their dragons. Eh...sorry...long critque to a critque, but all in all great! ^^
senfona 2006-06-12 ch 1, anon.	abuseBRILLENT idea!
Eminempern 2006-06-07 ch 1,	abusePretty good story. Interesting idea. I'd be happy to beta... I have a couple of questions (forgive me if the answers are already in the story and I missed them): Firstly... So there are only three female colors (cyan, pink, purple). The rest (black, orange, silver, red, green, white) are male, right? Which colors mate with which colors? You know, this will probably be answered later in the story. Never mind. Am I right in thinking that: Cyans are like golds; pinks are like greens; purples are kind of like browns/blues? And, yes, you did have a couple typos. You said you might need a beta... I'd do it! Wow, this has been a strange, rambling review. Oh, well. Update soon!
shadowoftherose 2006-06-07 ch 1,	abuseHeh, fixed the two mistakes. Thanks. :) I think I will have to get a beta-reader... X_x
Kitsuneko 2006-06-07 ch 6,	abuseWell, I stand corrected on the Western Continent point. I dunno, apparently it's only mentioned in the newer books, and most of my experiance comes from the older ones. Oh well. Two errors that I spotted in the latest chapter: 'since it long known that Xeria had only space in her soul for two things: Her dragon, and her mission.' I think there should be another word or two between 'it' and 'known' 'It wasn’t against the people of earth were warring against, it was the dragons,' Maybe it's me, but the first part of that sentence just doesn't really make since to me. Maybe you're missing a word again? You may want to think about getting a beta-reader to catch those mistakes for you. A couple things I've already mentioned still bother me a bit, but I guess I'll just wait and see where you're going with the story.
Bigfoot TI 2006-06-06 ch 1,	abuseO, ominous. seems the earth-riders are to be in for a number of suprises, but just what is still up in the air.
Mr. Mercenary 2006-06-06 ch 5,	abuseGreat story so far, keep up the good work. I look forward grwatly to where this is going. A showdown like this sound like its gonna be good either way. Can't wait for the next chapter. The Merc
IRD-Bronze-Dragon 2006-06-05 ch 5,	abuseI didn't see many errors to run up any sort of flag on. The suspense is killing me. Can't wait to see what happens. Unfortunately, the Pernese are at a disadvantage at the moment.
Me 2006-06-01 ch 1, anon.	abuseThanks for the critque; I do appreciate it. Few comments though: There is a Western Continent. It has been mentioned in the books several times, most recently in the Skies of Pern. One of the new telescopes was going to be set in the W.C. There is a reason why Earth wants Pern. I'll get there. Remember, Earth is in the middle of a new war. Two, the report AIVAS sent has the complete information of the dragons' DNA. That's all you need. DNA is the blueprint for life. As for spelling, I can't find any spelling mistakes. I've found a typo or two, but I think I've found them all, but if not, I'll change it once I see it, or someone points them out to me. Grammer: I totally agree. I'm not the best in grammer. But I try.
Kitsuneko 2006-06-01 ch 5,	abuseWow. Okay, don't take this the wrong way, but this story needs a LOT of work. First of all, I wasn't aware there even WAS a Western Continent, and think about it, if there was, the dragonriders, if not the SAILORS would have discovered it millenia ago and colonized it. Heck, with the original settler's technology, they probably would have settled it from the get-go with the Southern and Northern Continents. It's unlikely that anyone from Earth would even bother going to Pern, whether to rescue or conquer. It's obvious that if the settlers have survived this long on their own with limited technology, and are no longer even threatened by Thread in this point in time, they can clearly take care of themselves. Furthermore, it's been said various times that Pern had few natural resources that anyone from space would be interested in: Which is WHY the colonists, who planned from the start to sever contacts with outside civilization, were allowed to have it. With Earth's advanced technology, I don't imagine the dragons being more than a scientific curiousity, with little use in a mostly space-faring society, especially if Earth's dragons can't teleport. On that note, I don't think scientists could create dragons from information alone anyway. They'd basically need the body of a dragon or firelizard to engineer their dragons from, which AIVAS certainly couldn't send them, even if it was inclined to (which it wouldn't have been since, again, the settlers weren't planning to keep contact with Earth). I'm not even going to get into the extra colors and features, but the part with the Earth riders are taking over and demanding the Pernese leave their dragons behind makes no sense at all. It's clear in your story that the Earth riders DO share a similiar bond with their dragons, so why WOULDN'T they understand that the Pernese, who they basically got their dragons from, would be similiarly bonded? Finally, you need to work on the mechanics of writing. There are a lot of misspelled or missing words or letters, and your grammar could use some work. Spelling/Grammar check in Word may help you, but even then, you still have to go through the story yourself, because spellcheck won't catch everything. I do not mean for this to be a flame, but a serious critique of your fanfiction. By no means do I think you should stop writing; the only way you're going to get better is to write, and listen to the advice of other writers. All of us had to start out at one point, and trust me, I have seen worse stories than this. (heck, I've WRITTEN worse stories when I was starting out.) ~Kitsuneko
Draghknar 2006-05-22 ch 4,	abusei like pern novels, and absorb them as fast as i find them, this should be among the ones that i follow, it is well written so far, hope it contimues.
DragonQ 2006-05-21 ch 4, anon.	abuseOh I can see it now, 50,0 pern dragons appear over the earth settlement and using flame destroy everything. Should teach the stupid earthlings not to mess with Pern. hehe
dragonlover_forever 2006-05-14 ch 2, anon.	abuseGood to see that you fixed those misspellings and typos. :) Very good story. Don't take too long to update!

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