You do have great story ideas. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work. :)

The idea behind the story was nice, however I found Don's and Alan's reactions highly unrealistic. For one, an atomic bomb wouldn't take Don away from Charlie especially if he hadn't woken up yet.

Two, even if Alan told Don that Charlie would be fine, which he wouldn't, he would most likely rush to the hospital after getting the necessary information, Don would not smile, his brother is in surgery, he'd be distraught.

Third, even if Don believed that Alan needed to get away from the hospital room, neither would leave Charlie alone. Don would tell his dad to get something to eat, or go home and rest. They would NEVER leave him alone.

Overall this story was pretty good, despite the out of character behavior. I would give it a 3.5 out of 5 :)

LogicalGoth

that was good lvoed it

Wow... that's... awesome:) Love it:)

Nice story. Thanks, Beth

that was so sweet! ohmg;; i thinkk i nearly cried at least three times. ) keep it up!

i just got to reading this now. btw, it's a nice story. I like it. :)

I enjoyed this story. Very good.

Really, really good. It made my stomach do little flips. Go epilogues!

applause applaus! that was so cute and good! I loved it!

Great job!

awesome chapter, though I found it kind of ironic that charlie would say he was 'beat' but thats just me, lol. I hope you the the epilogue up soon!

Aw... CUTE! I really like the story, it's very neat!

Aw... it's already almost over... *Sniffes*

I LOVED the story. the only thing you could go back and fix up is some of the grammer. some of the mistakes made the story a little confusing such as, "And what do you me stopped them?" besides for the great job!