Good attempt for a well-written story, but I'd give you a D for achievement. Stop changing tenses, stop making everything so cheesy, and don't make Ginny a Mary-Sue. That's all.

Oi! ung story mo ddi ko masyadong binasa. ok lang ba yun? eto nga pala ung story na ikinukwento mo sakin dati. pag may taym pa ako, basahin ko lahat ng 2, ok?