although it would look hilarious to see them in lab coats lol

in future stories, may I suggest that you seperate what the characters say from the rest of the story. When it's all bunched up together, it's kind of hard to read and can get boring.


(Example:


You could have it like this:


"Hurry up! I want to play!" The dog barked and ran to the human.

The human didn't understand at firts but got the message after a while.


"Ok. I will toss it and you go get it." The human said as they pick the stick up and throw it.


Instead, you have:

"Hurry up! I want to play!" The dog barked and ran to the human. The human didn't understand at firts but got the message after a while. "Ok. I will toss it and you go get it." The human said as they pick the stick up and throw it.)


See the difference? Well, other than that, it seems like a cool story.

Hey is there a sequal?
Because I so love it.

Hey great job on the first chap, I'll read the rest later, at lunch, because I'm at school.

omg! How lovely!! Great story!

also i ahve 1 thing else too say... ...I SMELL A SEQUEL...
and im hoping for 1

this story is really good!
i think lots of good writers are atracting sucky writers

STORM: -to Raven- AWw...cute..*nudge* you go girl XD
RAVEN: Just wait Storm...just you wait

Good stuff, but its a bit sad that it just stops...right there... I personally think it can go on for another chapter or 2...you know...get their feelings across...
Anyhoo *thumbs up ^.~*
~Storm and Raven

STORM: XD...

STORM: *peeks under rock Raven is hiding under* Oi...come'on Raven, this stories GREAT! *grabs another box of popcorn*...XD
RAVEN: Wipe that silly smirk off your face! Just wait till Half me, half you gets there...then we'll see who's laughing...XD
STORM: *sweatdrop*...ehehe...

STORM: -To Raven- Well Raven...would you?
RAVEN: I guess...*sweatdrop*...*crawls into the deepest darkest corner of hell* ...AH...why me...
STORM: XD

NO! PAUK!! WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!?! *shrieks in frustration* YOU CAN'T STOP THERE! ARR! *dies*
~*MN*~

Chap. 7. “Cute…” …*dies from laughing head off*. Just like Raven to tease…you’ve got her character spot on! ^^ As for Freddy, I’ve also known him for about 9 years. Jason…I only discovered a few years ago…I still can’t get over the last bit in Freddy VS Jason, were Freddy’s head winks at you at the end of the movie…*shudders*

Chap. 8. Or maybe it’s just that 6th sense ^^ HA, Gosh what IS Si’gan’s defece against this…I wonder…
As for AVP…you’ve got a good point there… But how’s this, that guy that walked into the metal noose in the pyramid and got hauled into the ceiling…his name was STONE…how close is that to Storm…

Chap. 9. Cat’s out the bag…
As for dentists…I’ve had my fill of them to last me a life time…

Chap. 10. Nice shot little face hugger…wait…what’s he skeeming…*gasps*…no…he wouldn’t do that to Raven…would he…*whimpers*

Chap. 11. I KNEW IT! getting the face hugger on Raven…I knew it! but now they’re stuck for 10 mins…gosh…ANYTHING can happen…
I can’t believe it either, how could Weevil and Rex do that…GET HIM YU GI… SQUASH HIM LIKE THE BUG HE IS!
Darts…like a husky…*sweat drop*…
If you have every Yu-gi-oh episode…then perhaps you can tell me how Marick got defeated or whateva…I missed that part…but I’ll be happy to send the pic…^^

Chap. 12. STORM: Ooh…soul mates…? *Nudges Raven and winks*
RAVEN: Er…I…don’t know what you’re…talking about…*sweat drop*
STORM: *Smirks* Sure…

Chap. 13. Yup…men will NEVER understand us…Good chapter! ^^

Chap.14. I can’t help it…*ROFLMAO*…*wipes away tear*…how cute…

Chap. 15. *Is hanging for my life here…*

Chap. 16. Oh…pauk…

PLEASE UPDATE!
~Storm and Raven

Believe it or not, I've known about Preds for 9 years!...I was about 9 or 10 years old when I stumbled across this tape labeled PREDATOR in the cubourd...of course...curiosity...got the better of me...and I don't regret it ! ^^
My Internet time is a bit short, so I'm gonna copy these chapters and send you a review as soon as I can.
^^ ~Storm

Lovely chapter! *claps* ...awesome stuff
STORM: Go Raven!
RAVEN: When I'm good, I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad...I'm wicked! XD
~Storm and Raven

Yeah, I've seen Beyblade, not very big on it though. AVP is more my thing...but...you're going to fall over when you find out how long I've known about Predators...

...brace yourself...

...9 years!

RAVEN: you really like to knock the socks off your fans, don't you?
STORM: Hey, What can I say...I strike when you least expect it...XD