   Cyberweasel89 2007-09-23 . chapter 2Oh, hi there. Me again. It's just that I have more ideas for scenes.
First one is a bit much, and I don't expect you to consider it, but I thought it was kinda interesting.
Upon visiting Tida again, Rei Luna is washed in emotions and tries to drown them out with alcohol. This leaves Saiyaran to deal with an inebriated Rei Luna, resulting in much fluff in the awkwardness.
Second one is slightly more reasonable.
While sleeping at a campsite, Rei Luna awakens to find Saiyaran missing. Hearing a noise, she sneaks over to the bushes and gazes above them to see Saiyaran bathing in the river. It'd be a great treat for us fangirls, especially if you go into detail describing Saiyaran's physique. *drool* *ahem* It's also worth some fluff depending on how Rei Luna reacts. ^_^
Also, on another note, may I congratulate you on the names of your characters? They're such great names! You obviously must have put a great deal of thought into them. If not, you must be a genius! ^_^ |
| Cyberweasel89 2007-09-23 . chapter 7 My, this story is quite similar to my idea of an ideal romance.
A tough girl with an attitude finds herself oddly drawn to a lighthearted, kind, affectionate, innocent, pure boy. She protects him and saves him on numerous occasions, and his pure heart softens her. And throughout it all, while she remains oddly drawn to this boy, she denies that she feels anything for him. And throughout the story, the story is mainly narrated through the girl's eyes, though not told from her point of view. Most of the things said about the boy are observations and thoughts from the girl, and we rarely gain insight into the boy's thoughts and reasons, unless he tells them.
As you can see, not perfect, but Saiyaran and Rei Luna are pretty close to it. ^_^
Though, I do have a suggestion for something... Saiyaran claimed that he called Rei Luna a thieving Selkie because he was caught up in his emotions. How about, in a later chapter, something causes Saiyaran to open up to Rei Luna. He says that his father, who ran their market, hated Selkies, and always told Saiyaran to hate them as well, and that they were rotten thieves. Being a merchant, he probably had several experiences with Selkie thieves that lead him to develop this opinion. And while Saiyaran, thinking for himself, vowed never to think like his father when it came to the other races, found that his father's rants and lectures had scarred him on a subconscious level, and his father's words and thoughts manifested themselves when he became emotional over his mother's pendant, despite the fact that the thoughts and words were not his own.
On a different note, it's interesting that Saiyaran seems to be modeled after my favorite variety of male Clavat. I believe it was the "Natural" one. I forget what the one Rei Luna is modeled after is called, but it's the one with blonde hair, a sky blue skirt, and a full shirt (as in, the upper garmet covers her entire torso). I suppose you went with that model because you wanted Rei Luna to wear something that actually kept her decent. ^_^
Though, you've never explicitly stated what the characters are wearing, and who says each of the four varieties of gender and tribe has to wear the same thing as in the game, eh? ^_^ |
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