OMG, my brother was right about this fic... do you have a beta reader? because that could explain a few things

A true work of art

A brilliant piece of literature.

X3 I joined this site so I could comment on this. (I saw the youtube video).

If you were not being serious about this and writing it as a joke then it is realy good.

However, if you wish to become a better writer and you were serious about this, then I have some advice for you:

~Before you publish the story you or one of your friends should proof read it for grammer and spelling errors, (I don't know if those errors were because your not from an english speaking country or not).

~More description. Try to visualize your character and the settings around them. What do they feel? What do they smell? What can they see? That kind of stuff. Your writing will improve the more you practice.

~Plot out the story. Before you even write you should have a basic feel for what the overall story is going to be like. After you've got that you should add twists and turns that keep the audience captive.

~Know your characters. Treat your characters as if they were real people. You should know every thing about them, (Their favorite song, what they do on sundays, ect.) those little things make a good character.

Just some of the basics. Alright, well good writing to ya ^^

~Miha

Squirrelking, you have truely maneged to channel the spirit of Ed Wood. Please keep writing

lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololo

this is ** great

10/10 troll, well done.

The video was version was funnier and better.

Wow, everything the Sage said was ture. This has to be the funniest thing I've ever read. If you've written it like this on purpose then I have to commend you, it's actually very well done. Keep it up.

Maiko

Ps: I love Halos in space too! Poor Joe Chief

umm... so were you trying to write a piece of ** fanfic or something? Or is it that you just can't speak English and are developmentally disabled?

Oh my freaking gosh! I admire you so much! Your Half-life fanfics make me L-O-L! HOLY CRAP! I LOVE THESE STORIES SO MUCH! WOW. AMAZING.

JUST ** LOL. THAT IS ALL

...And it's STILL better than Twilight!

wtf is this **