Reviews for Heroes of the Old Republic

Reviews For: Heroes of the Old Republic - Reviews: Page 1 of 11

Elias Dae 2008-03-16 ch 53,	abuseSo... how bout that sequel.
Darth Demon2 2007-06-15 ch 53,	abuseDamn, THIS should be the plot for KOTOR 3.
general-joseph-dickson 2007-06-11 ch 53,	abuseThis was a great storry until you stopped before it was over.
atlantis-rob 2007-06-09 ch 53,	abuseWow! Crazy wrap to an awesome first part! I really dug the variious fights in the last 10 or so chapters especially the 3 bounty hunters and this crazy fight with the energy monster/thing. Cheers on a great piece of work!
Ayien 2007-05-12 ch 49, anon.	abuseHm. I read through all fifty-three chapters, and your story has both good and bad points. I'll list the good points first, then go to the bad, and suggest improvements. Good: You managed to keep the characters fairly in-character, and I enjoyed the relationship between Atton and Carth. You have good style, although there is a bit of overuse of dialogue tags (asked, exclaimed, cried). Bad: The number one point... well, let me be blunt. John Sinclair is a huge Gary-Stu. Has unimaginable Force power? Check. Has three different women lusting after his bones? Check. Is a super-badass who can mow down enemy after enemy without even breaking a sweat? Check. Has ridiculous amounts of money? Check. Gets instant respect by virtue of his name by the time he's in his twenties? Check. Has awesome skills in bed? Check. Has a secret, angsty past? Check. Making John older, not Force-sensitive, or at least not the most powerful Force-user ever, would have done a great deal to make his character sympathetic. The relationship between John and Mira was very overdone. The first time they had sex was fine, the second, okay, and then it simply deteriorated into nympho-happy-fun-time. Also, the scene where Mira started talking about wanting to be dominated... that one seemed to be a bit misogynist. Not every strong woman wants to be dominated in bed, or to give up their power in bed. One of my best friends is a professional dominatrix. The story also had a very 'video-game' feel, with the whole 'do this list of tasks to have this character join your party'. I also thought that the gore was overdone, getting very repetive after a while. All in all, your story was a good story (especially considering its fandom) but it would have been much better if John's character had been changed and if the relationship between John and Mira wasn't so in-your-face. I hope you continue to write, as you've got some real talent. If you want to debate with me, or ask any questions, my email is in the review.
The-XCORE-Writer 2007-04-28 ch 53,	abusei cant wait to see if your going to have a sequel or not.. this story was very captivating and i wanna read more!
pegapo 2007-04-21 ch 53, anon.	abuseThis is one of the best ive ever read. Keep this story up!! :)
Jax Solo 2007-04-18 ch 53,	abuseThe end? But...but...wha's gonna happen next? I mean, john's got everyone now...better question: when's the sequel coming??
Heatwave222 2007-04-18 ch 53,	abusea very good story and i cant wait for a sequal. Im pretty sure there will be one. Great job and i have a feeling bout the plot and Giles
LordEdd 2007-04-17 ch 53,	abuseone dr. goll..., nice dont see a lot of german names in fanfics, lol good reference though, those that know what it means apprecieate it peace out by the way, great story...bitch
KnightoftheWord 2007-04-17 ch 53,	abuseI have read your story (all 53 chapters of it), and I now feel compelled to review your work in the interests of you improving. First off, let me congratulate you for actually going as far as writing your story, many people have stories that they want to tell but can never get around to putting pen to paper (or fingers to the keyboard in this case). So, well done. The biggest problem that I had with this story was that it had a very ‘video-game’ feel, especially on Telos. I’m not sure whether you intended this to be the case or not, but I’m guessing not. I could almost see the quest log telling you what to do to get into the Ithorian compound. The grand Quest to find the hero’s of the Republic strikes me a lot of the quest for the Star maps in KOTOR and the quest for the Jedi masters in KOTOR2. Only there is no villain, no Malak or Sion, at least no obvious one. I hope that you have an appropriate one in mind for future stories. The other problem I had was that once I had figured that out the story was very predictable, I could see the Jedi training coming from about the second chapter. The fights generally involve one enemy that has a name, and a large group of nameless, faceless cronies. The hero’s kill them off easily, while all the shots miraculously miss them. In most of the fights, the hero’s seem to be outnumbered at least five to one. Again, very much like KOTOR. No hero ever dies, or gets incurably mutilated. The only one who ever gets hit is John, and he takes terrible wounds and keeps going on, unbelievable at best. He will then nearly die, have intense medical treatments and when he wakes up, everybody will say things like “you almost died” and “never do that again”. This happened on a number of occasions. At one point you describe him taking ‘a dozen smaller wounds that would have killed lesser men’. A dozen, that is too much to be believable. At that point he continues fighting, and after the battle is over, receiving no medical assistance, he runs off the TSL office for another battle. I found myself skimming through the action sequences because, frankly, there are far too many. While you certainly have a vivid imagination when it comes to fighting, after the fifth fight that follows a similar formula as all the previous ones, it gets a bit much. You could have quite easily have simply set up the scene for a fight, put in a break, and come back in the aftermath. Or made a mention of a series of battles without going into every last detail. Sometimes less is more. The level of gore as well, although realistic, after a bit became sickening. Because of that I was so glad when John got a lightsaber, they don’t cause gory wounds. That brings me back to the ‘video game’ comment, in a story there should be far less random violence, and fights should be interesting, different, and have bearing on the story. Especially on Telos and Nar Shaddar there were far too many fights that could have been skimmed over, or left out altogether. The hero, John Sinclair, is a very interesting character, especially in the beginning. He is bold, a little psychotic, nervous when it comes to relationships and holds the Jedi in awe, at least in the first 30 chapters. But his skill with weapons and his natural ability make every fight seem too easy. He just kills too many enemies, too easily. Fighting against two opponents is near impossible, and he seems to take them on in groups of ten. And by making him so powerful in the Force, it makes the story seem a bit predictable (and too much like KOTOR, where Revan also goes to Dantooine and trains in double-quick time). Also you actually diminish the difficulty of the things he’s done by increasing his power and giving him amazing abilities, like the one he uses on Brianna. I’d have preferred it if John only had a small amount of Force potential, but as he was already an expert swordsman a lightsaber would only add to his abilities. So far, since he has become a Jedi you have not shown any fight where anybody can hold their own for even a little against him. And a word on profanity, the word ‘Shit’ comes up a lot, and it wasn’t the only swear word used. And I can't see people in Star Wars saying 'Holy Shit', as its meant to be a blasphemy and would have no meaning there. It’s OK for the character to swear if it’s appropriate in the situation and part of the character, but I also noticed you using it in the narration. Swear words should never come into narration unless you are delving into a characters thoughts. In all I felt you could have toned down on the level of profanity more than a bit. The love affair between Mira and John was a nice interlude, and sort of broke away for the ‘video-game’ feel. It got a bit much though when Mira pulled John down on her for the fourth time though. You didn’t go too far into the gory details, but you did go far enough that you stopped just short of writing what is known as ‘erotica’. Again, less is more. But the fact that all the women were attracted to John was a bit much. It had the feel of KOTOR2 where the Male Exile can choose to romance with Visas or Brianna (with the appropriate mods), and romancing with one will make the other jealous, again going back to the ‘vidoe game’ feel. And the Brianna and Niko romance…EEAARRGG. You were correct though to get rid of them though, they weren’t contributing anything to the story, and we barely saw them. In fact they should have gone a lot sooner, perhaps a nice tragic death with tears all-round. My only criticism there is that I think it is unlikely that a Selkath and a human would pair; the species’ are just too different. The other characters though are delightful. I particularly liked the Carth/Atton pilot combination, those two characters work well together. Their similarities are striking, both having lost the women they love, but their characters are different. I’m not a big F Revan fan, but in this case it works well. Jolee is grouchy and funny as always, and Mira is as overconfident and cocky as ever. Bao-Dur is quiet, would have liked to have seen him more but then again in the game he is even worse, so the fault is not yours. Mical I have not seen enough of to make an accurate assessment of yet, but just remember that the guy must grow up a lot, he’s going to be on the Jedi council one day. You killed off Juhani and Mission. I agree with you in that choice, they are difficult characters to portray, they wouldn’t have added anything to the story and your party was getting too large anyways. Just a nit pick, Wookies live for far longer than humans, so there no way that Zalbazzar could have aged so much. Chewbacca was about two hundred in the original trilogy. And I’m really not sure what to make of Bastila’s sister, she just not seem that strong a character (perhaps a romance between her and Mical might put them more in the spotlight). HK we only see right before the end. I must confess that I am a little worried at your characters, the only strong ones besides John are the ones who appeared in the game. It’s OK to carry on with good characters, but when your own created characters fail in regards to memorable personalities it is worrying. Having said all these horrible things now, remember that my reason for critting you is so that you can improve. Your dedication to your work is noted, by the fact that you have written so much you must have the writing bug. Best of Luck in the continuation of your story, I look forward to seeing how you continue (that is assuming that you choose to, I cannot see you finishing on such an unfinished note).
MOCHS 2007-04-17 ch 53, anon.	abuseI want a sequel! Please please please write one! I've been loyally and dutifully following your story ever since the first chapter!
LordEdd 2007-04-16 ch 52,	abusewtf, was that the most random thing i ever read in my life or what?
LordEdd 2007-04-15 ch 51,	abusedamn cliffhanger
LordEdd 2007-04-15 ch 50,	abuseand the story troops on, i wonder what nasty sort of surprises HK will have fo john

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